U.S. Bowling Congress Moving to Texas

Finally, my socialized business incentive tax dollars at work for something I actually give a shit about!

Thanks to a $693,000 award from the Texas Enterprise Fund, the United States Bowling Congress has decided to move its headquarters from the Milwaukee suburb of Greendale, Wisc. to Arlington.

The USBC’s relocation is projected to bring 200 jobs and $13 million in capital investment to Texas. The USBC says its new $14 million complex on Six Flags Drive will include an “International Bowling Campus” complete with a 12-to-16 lane bowling equipment testing and training center.

The TEF claims to have helped projects that have brought more than 51,800 new jobs and $15.6 billion in capital investment to Texas. For its part, Arlington will roll in a 50 percent tax abatement on property improvements and a 50 percent rebate of all city hotel taxes generated through USBC-related events.

Dimassi's Buffet Coming to Austin

I had to run a work-related errand in Northwest Austin near the Travis/Williamson county line this morning and was inappropriately stirred after spying a banner announcing that Houston-based Dimassi’s Mediterranean Buffet will be opening a new location at the corner of 183 and Oak Knoll in the not-too-distant future.

Dimassi’s serves a wide array of Eastern Mediterranean staples like falafel, kebabs, hummus, tabbouleh, lamb, Greek salad and the like. You get all you want at lunch for about 12 bucks. If the Mediterranean diet promotes longevity, it stands to reason that eating lots of Mediterranean food will help you live even longer, right?

Best of all, the new Dimassi’s is going into the same strip mall as Mongolian Grille - a de facto buffet if you pile your plate tits high - creating the kind of buffet growth cluster (or “BGC,” as chamber of commerce-types call it) our fair city so desperately needs.

A Tex-Mex Giant's Fall from Grace

Next to Pancho’s Mexican Buffet, the child’s plate at Pete Dominguez restaurants like Casa Dominguez and Los Vaqueros was the most formative Tex-Mex experience of my young life. There was nothing fancy about Dominguez’ ‘Austin-style’ fare, but it was consistent and comfortably good. They also made a mean Roy Rogers.

After opening the first Casa Dominguez on Cedar Springs in Dallas back in 1963, Dominguez slowly grew into a celebrity restaurateur, hosting movie stars and athletes whenever they passed through Dallas. His restaurant walls were loaded with autographed photos. Former UT football coach Darrell Royal was the best man at his second wedding.

My family often ate at Dominguez’ Los Vaqueros when it was located in the Highland Park Village. When we moved to Houston in 1976, we switched to the Casa Dominguez on Kirby Dr. One night as we stood in line to pay the bill, my dad abruptly twisted me around and said, “Greg, look! There’s Alan Shepard!” I didn’t know Alan Shepard from Adam at the time, but it was pretty cool to see the first American in space and the fifth man to walk on the moon dropping by Casa for a plate of tacos al carbon just like the rest of us.

Casa Dominguez opened a location in Bellaire in the early 80s. Its proximity to our old house made it my parents’ second home for several years.

Given all this history, I’m saddened to read that Dominguez has fallen on hard times. According to a story in Saturday’s Dallas Morning News by Karen Robinson-Jacobs, bad debt, alcohol and family squabbles are the all-too-familiar culprits.

The Circus Leaves Town

Another SXSW is in the bag. I think I managed to wring about as much fun out of this year’s fest as possible without tempting illness. Having a laptop made covering the conference panels during the day much more efficient, though carting it around from club to club at night got a bit tedious.

My best laptop-related time savings came Friday night. I watched L.A. psych-pop quintet the Little Ones play at the Cedar Door, filed a review of their show at the convention center and managed to catch the last half of X’s DirectTV taping. I’d seen X with Billy Zoom back in the saddle at Emo’s several years back, but Friday’s performance was much more ferocious. I’m afraid X’s taping put Daryl Hall’s taping – at least the part Kate and I saw – to shame. Somewhere, John Oates must be laughing his moustache off.

Over the last four years, Saturday afternoon has emerged as my favorite part of SXSW week. The Chron doesn’t publish a daily edition on Sunday, so there are no more rapid-fire deadlines to worry about after Friday night. My go-to Saturday spot is the Pop Culture Press party at Dog & Duck. I got there just in time to see the Cowsills (Susan, Bob and Paul, pictured left) perform “The Rain, The Park and Other Things" and "Hair." Those family harmonies were still blissfully intact, too.

Then I ran down to the Convention Center to cover Margaret Moser’s excellent panel on the history of 16 Magazine and its unheralded role in the development of rock journalism. Susan Cowsill and Taylor Hanson recalled their decades-apart experiences as teen idols, while former 16 editor-turned-Ramones editor Danny Fields and Creem mainstay Jaan Uhelszki talked about 16 from the journalistic perspective. The whole thing made me feel a lot better about being one of those boys who read a girly mag to learn about Kiss and the Bay City Rollers.

After the panel, I headed back to Dog & Duck to catch the tail end of Magic Christian, the power-pop supergroup featuring guitarist Cyril Jordan of the Flamin’ Groovies, Blondie drummer Clem Burke and Plimsouls guitarist-turned-bassist Eddie Munoz (the latter two pictured left) along with vocalist Paul Kopf. I got there just in time to see them do “Shake Some Action,” which was some kind of providence. The Service Industry followed with a strong set of their finest worksongs like “Wake Up and Die.”

At this point, Kate insisted we take advantage of the unseasonably hot day by taking a dip in Barton Springs. True to form, I bitched and moaned the whole way down there before jumping in the water and immediately being glad we were there. We swam around for about 30 minutes before drying off and driving up to Spider House to see some of my New York Night Train pal Jonathan Toubin’s unofficial day party for Brooklyn bands. The husband-and-wife duo Shellshag were a whole lot of fun.

I didn’t even know Jonathan would be in town for SXSW until I randomly ran into him on Red River at 2:30 Wednesday morning. That’s how it is with the festival. You don't make plans - you just run into people.

R.E.M. on ACL

I've never been the guy who gets in to the show that everyone else is trying to get into, but I actually managed to score a spot for R.E.M.'s Austin City Limits taping yesterday afternoon. It was the first ACL taping I've been to in almost 21 years of living in Austin.

The band played for almost two hours, alternating between songs from Accelerate (due Apr. 1) and tried-and-true classics like "Losing My Religion" and "Fall On Me." I've been listening to Accelerate for a couple of weeks now, trying to form a cogent opinion on it. It's definitely R.E.M.'s most rocking album since Monster, but after hearing songs like "Hollow Man" and "Supernatural Superserious" live, I think it's better than that.

For the first time in years, R.E.M. sounds hungry. Heck, they must be if Peter Buck is doing interviews with the likes of yours truly. Maybe they're not setting the pace anymore like they were in 1986, but watching them play in a room with just a few hundred others, I was instantly aware that I was witnessing one of the world's great rock bands doing a lot more than just going through the motions for nostalgia's sake.

The show is set to air May 24, on the eve of R.E.M.'s summer tour. I don't know if I wound up in any audience shots, but if you're looking, I'll be the dork in the velvet cord jacket bobbing his head while taking notes.

The Art of Touring Smart

Greetings from the SXSW Press Suite at the Austin Convention Center. I just got done writing about a panel on touring hosted by drummer-turned-author Martin Atkins (Pigface, PiL, Killing Joke, etc.). My full review will be in tomorrow's SXSW daily edition of the Chron.

In the meantime, if you're thinking about getting in the van anytime soon, do yourself and your band a favor and pick up Atkins' new book, Tour:Smart. It's a fun read and you'll probably recoup the cover price in the first three chapters.

Prelude to SXSW

Today's weather improved dramatically just in time for this year's SXSW Music Festival. That doesn't always happen. We've had everything from frost to tornadoes during SXSW, but when the skies are blue, the temps are moderately warm and the beer is ice cold, it's hard not to be glad you're in Austin and not slogging through dirty snow somewhere.

Before you pack up the U-Haul, though, don't forget we typically pay for this nice weather in August with a string of triple-digit scorchers that can only be broken by a major tropical disturbance. Also, we're surrounded by Texas, which can be scary to those who've only experienced the non-Austin parts of the state from 35,000 feet up.

For me, SXSW started this afternoon when I left my state job to go interview Peter Buck from R.E.M. It was a short interview and one of many he was doing, but I think I got what I needed. To find out for sure, you'll just have to pick up the next issue of Pop Culture Press.

After picking up my badge and weighty swag bag at the convention center, I met Kate for a drink in the bar at the Four Seasons Hotel. This is the one week of the year when a jeans-and-sneakers guy like me can feel right at home in the Four Seasons bar, so I figured I should take advantage of it.

Texas Primary Settles Nothing

Well, it looks like the Dems are going to go right down to the wire after Hillary Clinton eked out a victory in Texas and won handily in Ohio last night. The polls giving her a slight edge here turned out to be right on.

However, the vote totals are close and the caucuses may wind up favoring Barack Obama, so he could still wind up with more Texas delegates than Clinton. You can view the latest unofficial caucus results here.

Frankly, I’m a bit surprised Obama didn’t rally in Texas, but one thing you learn after living in Austin awhile is that politics often look a lot different here than they do in the rest of the state. Even lifelong Texans in Austin have to fight this tendency toward bubble-vision.

That said, the Obama/Clinton contest was really more of an urban/rural divide than Austin vs. Texas. Obama easily carried Houston and Dallas, but it wasn’t enough to offset Hillary’s numbers in West Texas and the Rio Grande Valley.

Caucus in the Cafetorium

It's been awhile since I set foot in a middle school cafeteria (let alone a cafetorium), but that's where I was tonight for good ol' Travis County Precinct 248's Democratic Party caucus. Kate took this photo with her phone while we were waiting to sign in.

For those of you not from Texas, Lone Star Dems use the precinct convention system to select one-third of the delegates that represent candidates at the national convention. At least that's how I understand it. Chron political reporter Lee Nichols does a better job of explaining the system here.

With Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton embroiled in a tight primary race here, precinct conventions are drawing a lot more attention this year. Most everyone in the cafeteria - myself and Kate included - had never participated in one before. The hastily-appointed precinct secretary announced the last convention only drew four people, prompting applause from the standing room only crowd.

The vast majority of people who showed up were there to support Obama, which wasn't surprising given Obama's tremendous ground support in Austin. The initial system of having two sign-in lines for each candidate was quickly abandoned because so few people were signing in for Clinton. It'll probably be several more hours before we know how this scenario plays out in the rest of Texas.

Click here for more coverage from Kate.

How 'Bout a Free Taco?

Whenever I stroll past the periodical rack at Central Market while on break from my government job, I like to pick up a copy of Tribeza magazine so I can keep up with the comings and goings of our town's increasingly affluent creative class and dream about how good life would be if I could only afford a condo at the Austonian, an inbred drop-kick dog and a transparent cigar fetish.

Given how far away I reside from Tribeza's target demographic, I was quite shocked to find an advertisement in the March issue that actually catered to my comparatively raggedy ass. I'm speaking of a coupon on page 47 for one free mahi mahi taco from Chango's. No purchase is necessary and the offer is good through April 30.

I think it speaks highly of my evolving urbanity that I did not grab an entire stack of the magazines, which leaves plenty for astute and frugal-minded readers of this here blog.

Get Your Pop Culture Fix Right Here

As usual, the SXSW day party crawl is shaping up to be quite the ticket. Kent B. just e-mailed me the final line-up for the Pop Culture Press day party in the parking lot of the Dog & Duck Pub, 406 W. 17th St., on Saturday, March 15. Lotsa good stuff for all you not-so-now people who still dig pure pop.

12pm: The Susan Cowsill Band (New Orleans, LA)
12:20pm: The Cowsills (Los Angeles, CA)
1:15pm: The Slits (London, UK)
2pm: Magic Christian (San Francisco, CA)*
3pm: The Service Industry (Austin, TX)
4pm: The Rite Flyers (Austin, TX)
4:45pm: The Stems (Perth/Fremantle, Australia)
5:45pm: Antietam (New York, NY)
6:30pm: The Radar Brothers (Los Angeles, CA)

*Vocalist Paul Kopf, guitarist Cyril Jordan (Flamin'’ Groovies), drummer Clem Burke (Blondie), and bassist Eddie Munoz (Plimsouls) playing just the sort of thing you'd expect from such power-pop royalty. I interviewed Cyril Jordan last Saturday and I'm looking forward to hearing Magic Christian play live.

UPDATE (3/4): The Slits are now playing at 1:15pm, the Stems at 4:45pm and Antietam at 5:45pm.

Free Burritos for State Employees!

If you are employed by the Great State of Texas and find yourself within spitting distance of downtown Austin on Friday, swing on by the Chipotle Mexican Grill at 801 Congress Ave. from 11am to 5pm to get a free burrito, bowl, salad or taco plate with your state employee ID badge or business card. I called Chipotle to confirm that this offer is legitimate, so have at it, bureaucrats!

If you're not a state employee, you can probably pass for one by fishing a state business card from one of those "win a free meal" fishbowls at a restaurant located near a state agency, but you didn't hear that from me.

The Bong Tolls for Tootie

I didn't know what a bong was until I watched the "pot episode" of The Facts of Life.

Believe it or not, you really could buy bongs at some record stores in 1980. It was a "heady" time. That said, I can't imagine where a couple of 12-year-old girls would've pulled together enough bread to buy three of them. All that just to hold jellybeans!

So Long, Lucky Puppy

This is a photo of my parents' dog, Lucky. My mom had to put her down yesterday.

Lucky had a large tumor pressing on her digestive tract. This made it impossible for her to keep food down or drink water. Keeping her around would’ve been prolonging the agony. Although it would've been ideal if all this didn't happen just as my dad was boarding a plane to India, my mom did the right thing.

Lucky was 14 years old, which is a good, long life for a dog. She was a Jack Russell Terrier who could dig almost her entire body underground in her younger days. My mom and dad really loved her. So did I.

I can't say Lucky was a friend to many because she snapped at almost everyone she didn't know well. In this regard, she epitomized the old adage about the risks of petting strange dogs, but Lucky always had a sweet, docile disposition around me. I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but it made me feel special to be let inside her very small bubble of confidants. I’m going to miss her.

Does Friday Night Lights Have a Future?

Despite low ratings and a somewhat bleak assessment about the show's future from NBC's head of entertainment, Variety reported yesterday that NBC Universal is trying to keep Austin-filmed Friday Night Lights on the air for a third season via a shared broadcast window agreement with other networks in addition to NBC.

Whatever happens, I can’t imagine FNL will ever get any non-DVR traction as long as it’s airing on Friday night. I’ve never missed an episode, but I’ve never watched an episode live, either.

Here Come the Master Debaters

I hear they're having some sort of debate tonight over at the local university.

Kate scored press credentials and will be checking out the action from CNN's "Spin Room," which is in UT's Recreational Sports Center but not the debate itself. I'm sure you'll be able to read all about it on her blog soon.

As for me, the continuing onslaught of pre-SXSW writing precludes even watching the debate live on TV. Besides, who cares about Iraq and the economy when there's a potential sex scandal a-brewing?

JetBlue is Red Hot on Austin

JetBlue is formally announcing a major expansion of its presence in Austin today.

The airline is adding new flights from Austin to San Francisco, Orlando and Fort Lauderdale, Fla. beginning May 1. This is in addition to previously-announced new service to Long Beach, Calif.

The new flights will make Austin a mini-hub airport for JetBlue passengers connecting from Florida to California, which is fine by me as long as they don't stay and drive up housing costs.

The Storm Before the Storm

Although the SXSW Music Festival won't be kicking off for another few weeks, it's already started for me in the form of pre-SXSW coverage for the Chron.

As much as I enjoy getting to write about music, it's always a juggling act to handle the onslaught of SXSW-related writing assignments justice without grossly neglecting my duties to the people of Texas. I'm very thankful the people gave me a day off today so I could knock out a profile of local punk rock mayhem artists the Krum Bums.

All of this is to say that new entries may be a little slow in coming over the next several days unless Rupert Murdoch decides he wants to start paying me for this shite.

Sweet Emotions

Valentine's Day turned out to be one of the best ever. Kate made a fine meal of shrimp and heart-shaped crab cakes and I bought some chocolate-covered strawberries from Amy's Ice Creams for dessert. Then we watched an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm from the new season six DVD Kate gave me. It was a fine reward for resisting the temptation to subscribe to HBO.

Kate used to sing along to Aerosmith as a kid, so I bought her a best-of from Steve Tyler and the aging man-boys along with a red nightshirt set and one of those plastic toy microphones that makes an echo-laden, metallic sound when you sing into it. My thematic concept was "slumber party in a gift bag."

Unfortunately, Kate had already purchased the red nightshirt set I'd gotten her. In fact, I was with her when she bought it, but my male mind had no recollection of this until she came to bed wearing said sleepwear the night before Valentine's Day.

Despite the panic that swelled up inside me at this realization, I managed to purchase a new hot pink nightshirt set during yesterday's lunch hour. I really had to stretch the meaning of "hour" to do it, though.

Texas Sex Toy Law Struck Down

Gentlemen, start your pocket pussies! The asinine Texas law that made it a crime to promote or sell sex toys has been struck down by the 5th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals.

Believe it or not, the obscenity section of our fair state's penal code says it is illegal to promote or possess with intent to promote any device "designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." Relying largely on the Supreme Court's 2003 decision in Lawrence vs. Texas, the circuit court said the dildo law violates Texans' constitutional right to privacy under the 14th Amendment.

I guess that means you won't have to refer to 'em as "novelties" anymore when you go to Forbidden Fruit.

JetBlue Launches Austin-Long Beach

Wow, the new flights just keep on coming. JetBlue announced today that it will begin nonstops from Austin to Long Beach, Calif. on May 1. They're offering an introductory $99 one-way fare, too.

I like flying JetBlue because they have live TV and satellite radio at every seat. They also have the only nonstop flight from here to Boston, but the flight back leaves out of Logan at an ungodly hour of the morning.

Austin Gets Nonstops to Charlotte

Austin gets yet another nonstop destination this May when US Airways launches two daily flights to Charlotte, N.C..

I believe US Airways used to fly a Austin-San Antonio-Pittsburgh route when the airport was at Mueller, but that was dropped years ago. The airline made its de facto return to Austin when America West bought it in 2005.

Nothing to Look at Here, Folks

Yesterday's big standoff ended peacefully just before 11 p.m. last night. That was good timing. I wasn't looking forward to attempting sleep against the den of a circling helicopter.

Sunday Morning Standoff

Another day, another police standoff around the corner from our house.

APD isn't divulging the exact address at this time, but Kate says they're using the Ross Dress for Less parking lot on Burnet Rd. as a staging area, which is too close for comfort in any case.

UPDATE (7:32pm): The standoff continues. Apparently, a felonious burglary suspect is holed up in a duplex on Pinedale Cove because he didn't want to go to jail again. It was the top story on KEYE's 6pm news. The police copter they reference has landed in the field across the street.

California Fever

Here's the opening of California Fever, a short-lived CBS series from 1979 that was apparently picked up by BBC at some point. The show starred Jimmy McNichol (Kristy's bro) and Lorenzo Lamas. Basically, Jimmy and his friends hung out on the beach, roller boogied down the boardwalk and cruised around in muscle cars as the week's extra-vapid plot unfolded.

Being an impressionable 10-year-old boy who watched way too much TV, I thought California Fever was pretty awesome. I hoped maybe one day I could move to sunny Southern California and be a boss teen like Jimmy McNichol.

As it was, I moved to Austin and then a good portion of California followed.

AP Gets the Lez Out

The Associated Press reported earlier today that the reunited Led Zeppelin would be playing Bonnaroo this June in Manchester, Tenn.

Between abounding rumors of a Zep appearance at Bonnaroo and last month’s London concert with Jason Bonham filling in for his dad on drums, such an announcement wasn’t entirely out of the blue.

Trouble is, they meant to say Lez Zeppelin, the barnstorming all-female Zep tribute act from New York.

Bonnaroo’s news release announcing this year’s line-up almost invites this error to be made. I wouldn’t be surprised if a particularly puckish flack put “Lez Zeppelin Confirmed” in the headline just to see if anyone got confused and bit before following up.

Make Your State Plate Great

The Texas Department of Transportation wants your help in picking out its new general-issue license plate design. You can vote here for one of five designs until noon on Monday, Feb. 11.

I liked Texas license plates better when they didn’t have a bunch of superfluous crap on them, but the current plate is particularly silly. A space shuttle with a giant American flag on the side appears to be landing on an oversized cowboy on horseback and some oil derricks. The design became bitterly ironic when Columbia exploded over Texas in 2003.

As long as we’re voting on these five treatments, I’ll pick the bluebonnets as a pastoral rejoinder to my fair state’s loathsome tendency toward macho dickdom.

Healthy Choice?

Paul Krugman has some interesting things to say in today’s New York Times about the differences between Hillary Clinton’s and Barack Obama’s plans for increasing health insurance coverage among Americans.

I must say he makes a good point about the potential shortcomings of Obama’s plan, which avoids calling for mandated coverage.

218 Days and Counting

In anticipation of our upcoming nuptials (doesn’t that word sound like something you’d pull out of a deer carcass?), Kate recently set up a wedding website for us. We’ll be adding to it periodically as the date draws closer.

I also want to extend word of our availability to producers of wedding-themed reality shows. Especially My Big Redneck Wedding.

Rooting for the Monsters

Kate and I saw Cloverfield Saturday night. I enjoyed it as a fun reimagining of Godzilla Takes Manhattan as seen through a digital camcorder, but was I really supposed to feel terrified when the movie’s one-dimensional yuppie caracatures were being chewed up and spit out? Was I wrong for laughing out loud when the Statue of Liberty’s disembodied nog came rolling down the block?

The idea that anyone could view Cloverfield as anything other than a popcorn-happy exploitation vehicle strikes me as ludicrous.

The Giant Burgers of Fuegos

Kate and I tried a (relatively) new family-run restaurant called Fuegos last night. They serve "authentic Mexican and California cuisine," which translates into a eclectic menu of fish tacos, burritos, ahi tuna sandwiches and a giant burger capable of dislocating a horse's jaw. In a cavalier rebuke to my slightly elevated LDL, I chose the latter.

At $8.50, the Fuegos burger isn't the best deal in town, but it could easily feed two people. Start with a half-pound of cooked-to-order ground beef. Then throw on a mountain of grilled onions, cheese, bacon and avocado. I normally don't like Thousand Island dressing on my burgers, but it worked on this one. Kate's red snapper fish tacos were also quite good.

Fuegos is tucked away in a Latino-themed strip mall in the 7600 block of N. Lamar, just south of Anderson Lane. There's no access from the northbound side of Lamar, but this is food worth making an extra U-turn for. They don't have an alcohol license yet, so BYOB.

Air Canada Returns to Austin

Starting this spring, Austinites can once again "take off to the Great White North" without stopping to change planes.

After pulling out of Austin in 2000, Air Canada returns to town May 1 with a daily nonstop to Toronto. While the old Austin-Toronto flight was serviced with a mainline A319 Airbus, the new one will be serviced with a 75-seat Bombardier regional jet.

Thursday Trivia Grab Bag

During the Peenbeets’ salad days, we devised something called “Peenbeets Trivia Grab Bag” to keep our shows moving whenever someone broke a string. At first, I’d merely recite some arcane bit of useless trivia. Then we started involving the audience by handing out a cheap prize to whoever got the right answer first. By the end of our run, we’d occasionally do “Grab Bag” even when strings weren’t broken.

In fond memory of that, and because I’m too strapped to scrawl out anything more substantial at the moment, here are some far-out facts that could’ve easily been fodder for “Peenbeets Trivia Grab Bag:”

-Anson “Potsie” Williams from Happy Days is second cousin to Dr. Henry Heimlich of “Heimlich manuver” fame.

-Any month that begins on a Sunday will have a Friday the 13th.

-Huey Lewis scored a perfect 800 on the math section of the SAT.

-Fruit of the Loom, Acme Brick and Orange Julius are all owned by Berkshire Hathaway.

-Don Knotts was a regular on Search for Tomorrow from 1953 to 1955.

More International Flights for Houston

Starting March 20, Singapore Airlines will begin flying four weekly nonstops from Houston to Moscow with continuing service to Singapore. I’ve always heard Singapore Airlines has excellent inflight service – unless they catch you chewing gum.

Coupled with Emirates’ new nonstops to Dubai, Houston has really extended its upper hand over Dallas/Fort Worth in international air traffic.

The Gray Lazies

As a dense fog rolls into town this evening, I'm reminded of the degree to which this current spate of cold, damp weather has turned me into a hermit. I can deal with cold and I can deal with damp, but having the two together chills my bones and fills my head with dead weight.

I've really been slacking over the last several days on getting out for my daily mental health walks and my TV consumption is through the roof. A few more days off the wagon and I'll have to rekindle the routine all over again. I can only imagine how I'd handle things if I lived in a clime where gray is the norm.

How 'Bout Them Cowboys, Adolf?

My pal Mark Fagan reposted this hilarious video from Kissing Suzy Kolber on the Chron’s sports blog this afternoon. Although it’s in German, it might be NSFW if you don’t want your colleagues to think you’re going all Aryan on them.

Although I remain a Dallas Cowboys fan for life by virtue of growing up in Dallas during the Golden Age of Staubach, is there really any doubt that if Hitler were a NFL fan, he’d be crying for America’s (and God’s) Team?

For the Bride Who Has Everything

In the course of planning our wedding, Kate and I have stumbled onto a mind-boggling variety of wonderful products that go a long way toward restoring the dignity of marriage in America.

Take custom bridal lingerie, for example. If I was a blushing bride with traditional values, the first thing I'd do is go to bridalpartytees.com and buy some panties with my hubby-to-be's claim duly noted right across the crotch.

What God hath joined together...let no thong put assunder.

Kate's "Smashing" Encounter

As you might have surmised from my new profile photo, Kate and I are faithful fans of NBC's Friday Night Lights.

I got nervous when they introduced the Straight-Outta- Melrose storyline of having Landry bludgeon a rapist to death, but the delicious marital back-and-forth between Coach Taylor and Tammy continues to make FNL the best drama on network TV right now.

Since the show films in Austin, cast sightings are not uncommon around these parts. Last Friday, appropriately enough, Kate met Gaius Charles, the handsome young actor who plays star running back Brian "Smash" Williams. You can peep at her gushing account here.

I guess I’ll have to redouble my efforts to meet Minka Kelly, the fetching young actress who plays born-again former cheerleader Lyla Garrity.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Kate went to Dallas this weekend to try on wedding dresses, so I decided to indulge myself in a full-bodied reversion to male-pattern slothdom.

Instead of dressing up and going out on the town, I stayed home in dirty clothes, ate not one but two meals from Taco Cabana, drank wine from the bottle and listened to 80s AOR like Zebra and Fastway when I wasn't slouched in front of the TV, wistfully watching grainy video of my old bands. The only responsible thing I did was remembering to feed the cats.

Although the whiny little taskmaster in the back of my skull wants to tsk-tsk this abdication as a waste of precious weekend, I'm proud of myself for achieving a remarkably high level of contentment by doing nothing much in particular.

That said, I'll be glad when Kate gets home. I miss her and the cats are starting to get scared.

Subterranean Homesick Buffet

I "found" this illegally-placed sign stuck in the grass at the corner of Burnet and Anderson yesterday. I'm not yet sure which continent A+ Buffet's "Continental Food" comes from, but despite my slightly elevated bad cholesterol levels, I plan to find out sooner rather than later.

Parking Garage Capital of the World?

Kate has a story today on the free side of the ABJ Web site about the Real Estate Council of Austin’s $101 million proposal to build five parking garages on the edges of downtown Austin with a circulator bus connecting the garages to downtown destinations.

This is a different parking garage plan than the "Austin Parking Enterprise" proposed by the city in conjunction with Mayor Wynn’s visions of circulating streetcars. So long as we’re building an arseload of parking garages at the gates of our increasingly-rarified central business district, why not go one step further by digging up a few streets and building canals where underemployed musician types can earn a respectable living as singing gondoliers?

I try to be reasonable about these things, but if they’re seriously thinking about saddling this garage/bus system with a moniker like “Boogie Around Town,” I'd have to reject it on aesthetics alone.

More Nonstop Flights for Austin

Southwest announced yesterday that Austin will be getting new nonstop flights to Denver, Fort Lauderlale and Oakland starting May 10.

I’m particularly jazzed about the latter since Oakland is the one major Bay Area airport we don’t have nonstop service to. Southwest is also trimming its Austin service to Midland/Odessa and Nashville, but I think we can live with that (insert obligatory Permian Basin dig here).

Unfortunately, I’ve learned that having a nonstop flight from Austin and getting a reasonably-priced seat on such a flight are two different things. More often than not, it’s appreciably cheaper to cool your heels in Phoenix for an hour or so.

CLARIFICATION (1/11/08): Southwest already has nonstop Austin-Denver flights, so this really isn't "new" service.

Wooten Elementary Locked Down

The elementary school that bears my neighborhood's name was put on lockdown this afternoon because of a nearby burglary. Neighbors reported several men were walking down Gault Street with weapons. Police suspected there was a man holed up in a house with a weapon, so the school was locked down as a precaution. Four people were ultimately arrested and charged with burglary of a residence.

I haven't looked up APD crime statistics for Wooten in a while, but there has definitely been an uptick in property crimes reported on the neighborhood newsgroup over the last several weeks.

Horrors of Caffeine-Free Existence

Here’s how I know I’m addicted to caffeine. I’m fasting for a cholesterol test this morning and the lack of coffee is making me tired, achy and bristling with contempt for everything.

I’m never a ball of sunshine in the morning, but just saying yes or no is a chore today. I feel like curling up in a ball under a blanket and disengaging from the planet until I get my steaming cup of fix.

I hope I never have to quit caffeine. That would be ugly.

KOOP Damaged by Fire (Again)

Has any radio station in history been more beleaguered by fire than KOOP?

For the third time in two years, Austin’s eclectically-programmed community station has been knocked off the air by a fire. The station’s Airport Blvd. studios and offices sustained extensive damage in a Sunday morning blaze. An investigation into the cause is under way. KOOP executive director Kim McCarson expects the station to be broadcasting again in about two weeks.

KOOP’s previous home, a dilapidated building at the corner of 5th and San Jacinto that also housed Sweatbox Studios, was razed after a massive fire in February 2006, just weeks after incurring $600,000 in damages from a smaller fire.

Beetsolonely Enters Year 3 With Vigorous Thrust

Today is the third anniversary of Beetsolonely. My how we have grown from the legendary first missive, "Is this thing on...or did it fall off while I was dancing?"

As I write this message, thousands of child laborers are toiling in the bowels of sweatshops around the world to develop a massive stockpile of online gee-whizardry for you and yours to chuckle at from the comfort of your cubicle. Who would've thought a pack of cigarettes per child per day could generate so much mirth?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my Investor's Business Daily interview.

For the Love of Olan Mills

My pal Hunter Darby sent me this link to a laugh-out-loud collection of discarded portraits at List of the Day.

Believe it or not, there was a time not long ago when every other household in suburban Whateversburg had garish strip mall and/or department store portraits just like these hanging in the hallway or over the living room mantle as if to say, “Once upon a time, this family was just spiffy.”

If you were lucky enough to be dry humping on the couch with someone whose folks were out of town, one drunken glimpse at a young dad with his wavy Seventies mane could easily quash the moment forever.

A Crick in Time

It's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep because my generalized self-loathing has flared up alongside an unshakable crick in the neck. I'm much more awake and alert right now than I will be when I'm at work in a few hours.

I feel like going outside in the bitter cold to run through the empty streets as fast as I can in order to wear myself down and maybe induce sleep. It won't work, though. I've tried it.

The only thing to do at this late hour is wait the spiral out until it collapses of exhaustion and hope I don't say or do anything to make things more unpleasant in the meantime.

Snoring in the New Year

Faced with the absence of the usual New Year's Eve party at David and Rachel's due to the blessed arrival of young Miles Wyatt six weeks ago, Kate and I rung in 2008 in relatively low-key fashion. Following an early evening toast with David and Rachel, we retired to our home and watched the History Channel.

I started to do the nods around 11:30, but when midnight beckoned, we switched over to Univision to watch the countdown live from Mexico City and Acapulco. With Times Square an hour ahead of Texas, watching the ball drop always feels a bit premature to me.

I thought I might regret not going out on New Year's Eve, but kissing on the couch as Don Francisco and a bunch of scantily-clad dancing women wished us a prospero año nuevo was just about right.

Target...Austin, Texas

Here’s a somewhat harrowing Cold War-era clip to end 2007. Target...Austin, Texas was a documentary produced by KTBC-TV in 1960. Cactus Pryor narrates a nightmare scenario in which CONELRAD is activated in response to reports of advancing enemy aircraft. Of course, in the event of an actual emergency, the city would’ve likely been cooked long before the radio announcer finished following official procedures.



Civil Defense was big business in Austin. Bergstrom Air Force Base spent much of its postwar commission as a front-line Strategic Air Command post, making the city a likely target in the event of a Soviet attack. The base was protected by two NIKE missile batteries. One of the missile sites is located on private land just south of the airport and the other is west of town just off Bee Caves Rd.

Fortunately, Austin never got nuked by the Russians. Cactus Pryor is still here, too. Happy New Year!

Remember the Colonial House!

This TV spot will definitely jog the memory of anyone who lived in Houston during the pre-bust 80s. Here's well-coiffed Michael Pollack offering free VCRs (and perhaps a sweet young thing in a bikini) to new residents of his Colonial House apartments. This ad ran all the time and everyone in town knew who Pollack was.

I love the way he refers to "beautiful Southwest Houston." That particular area of Southwest Houston has been known as the "Gulfton Ghetto" for more years than I can remember, but even before that nickname came into use, no sane person would've deemed it beautiful.

Happy Minutes Still Rolling

Chron staff writer Lee Nichols’ December 20 post at his I Love Beer blog revisited the joys of Texas Showdown’s Happy Minutes special. I had no idea they were still doing it.

From 3 to 3:15pm, the Showdown sells 10-ounce cups of domestic beer for 40 cents. As Lee points out, that’s just five cents more than what they charged in 1990, when Austin was a town where one could live peaceably for under $300 a month.

I only recall doing Happy Minutes once. I was in the middle of an afternoon copy editing shift at The Daily Texan and a group of us walked across Guadalupe for a quick beer break. After pounding back several foamy cups of Shiner Bock, I slouched back down to the Texan's basement newsroom and found myself profusely nauseated by the green glare of the video display terminal.

Thinking I was about to toss my tacos, I hurried to the men’s room and splashed cold water on my face. That kept the slosh down and got me through the rest of my shift, but I still lament not being able to fully embrace this wallet-friendly Austin tradition.

Merry Massmas 2007

As you may have surmised from the lack of posts this week, I have been on holiday. Kate and I flew to Massachusetts Friday afternoon. After a two-hour layover in Houston, we arrived in Boston just before midnight. After scraping several inches of snow off our rental car, we drove to Worcester and got there just before 2am. We stayed with Kate’s mom and her stepdad, Michael.

Kate spent Saturday afternoon looking for wedding dresses with her 12-year-old sister, Eloise and her stepmom, Phyllis. Meanwhile, I had lunch with Michael and his son, Patrick. Michael was kind enough to show me around Worcester, pointing out various historical and cultural places of interest. Worcester has a grand train depot and lots of cool older buildings, both of which are in short supply in go-go Austin. We even got to see a real live American bald eagle at the EcoTarium, where Kate’s dad was once executive director.

When Kate finished her dress hunt, we picked up her sister, Eloise and drove down to Rhode Island for the night to visit Kate’s dad and his wife, Mary. Poor Eloise was subjected to all eight minutes of “Free Bird,” courtesy of the local classic rock station. After arriving in Portsmouth, we sat down to a superb roast beef and Yorkshire pudding dinner. Then we had homemade brown sugar ice cream and conked out early.

Kate and I took a nice walk around the neighborhood with her dad and Eloise on Sunday morning. Although there was plenty of snow on the ground – at least by Texas standards – it really wasn’t all that cold. Being closer to the coast probably helped on that count.

We drove Eloise back to Worcester that afternoon, stopping at Weintraub’s Deli for an amazing corned beef sandwich and their house label birch beer. I also had a cup of chicken soup to ward off any pathogens inadvertently acquired during our travels. I don’t care what Marc Katz says – there’s really no such thing as authentic East Coast deli food in Austin.

Kate’s family has a long tradition of attending the Christmas Revels show at Harvard’s Sanders Theater. The Revels started back in 1971 and are now a venerated Cambridge tradition. Phyllis graciously took Kate, Eloise and me to the Sunday night performance. The Revels spotlight the winter solstice traditions of a different culture every year. This year’s culture was the Balkans, which offered lots of colorful costumes, acrobatic dancing and haunting women’s choral pieces. The entire audience was invited to sing “Dona Nobis Pacem” and I was vaguely able to follow along thanks to Kate’s pre-Yule tutelage.

Christmas Eve day was comparatively low-key. We wrapped gifts in the morning and had lunch with Kate’s mom and Michael. His two sons were there, too. Then we visited Kate’s grandparents and her Aunt P.K. in Paxton. We took a nice walk through Moore State Park as the sun was setting. There we saw an 18th century mill along a placid flowing stream. It was about the most picturesque thing I’ve seen all year, so naturally I didn’t have a camera with me.

Because Kate has three sets of parents, one set of grandparents and an extended family gathering to visit, Christmas was something of a whirlwind. I think we ended up doing seven separate gift exchanges this year. That’s a far cry from the sparsely attended Bloody Mary Christmas morning I typically do in Houston with my folks, but it was fun getting to see everyone and eating all that food. It was also my first white Christmas, though no snow actually fell during our trip.

Speaking of H-town, four of Kate’s cousins are planning to converge there in June for the big Red Sox/Astros showdown at Minute Maid Park. Now I really need to find a way to get good tickets for that game. Naturally, I’ll be the only ‘Stros partisan in the bunch.

We ended up at the Wellesley home of Kate’s Aunt Charlotte on Christmas night. Aside from the excellent food and company, Kate showed me the back garden where we’ll be getting married in September. It was covered in snow, of course, but I was able to imagine how it might look in late summer. We stood on the freezing cold porch and I remarked that next time we were there, we’d be just about married. That helped warm me up.

Kate’s mom took us to the Worcester Art Museum on Wednesday. Worcester has one of the best smaller art museums in the country. We spent a couple of hours there and had lunch. I’d like to go back sometime and see some of the exhibits we missed.

Just as we did last year, our final night in New England was spent in Petersham at the rustic family farm house of Kate’s friend, Caitie Huppert. Before dinner, Caitie had everyone join hands and told us how good it was to have us there. Although I’ve only known them since last Christmas, the Hupperts really have a way of making one feel welcome. In fact, the same can be said of Kate’s family. That’s just one more reason I consider myself to be one very fortunate Texan to be by Kate’s side.

UT Southwestern at Austin?

Kate broke a big story today about UT Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas conducting a feasability study on building a small medical school branch in Austin. Non-ABJ subscribers - which I imagine constitutes a solid majority of this here blog's demographic - can read part of the story here.

Greetings from the Gay Nineties

My former Noodle bandmate turned Chron sports desk captain Mark Fagan recently posted a bunch of old photos to his Flickr site. Talk about a stumble down memory lane.


This is Noodle performing at the Blue Flamingo in late 1994. The “Goatee Years,” as I call them. The Blue Flamingo was a combination gay bar and punk rock club at the corner of Red River and 7th. There's a dance club called Plush there now.

As I recall, we began this show dressed in bad drag. I almost can’t recognize Jonathan Toubin on guitar to my left. He always made the prettiest girl of us all.

Lance Farley is playing drums in the background. Mark was no longer playing bass for us by the time my goatee came in, so I’m pretty sure that’s Clay Brown to my right. I'm hoisting the giant inflatable penis we often used as a stage prop.

Ending a show clad in nothing but underpants and pantyhose was not all that unusual for me. I often removed clothing during shows, but I don’t think I ever actually exposed myself. At least not on purpose.

Houston Awash in Turd Juice

This will not come as news to anyone who has ever lived in Houston, but a new study shows the city’s bayous are brimming with fecal bacteria. Apparently, someone has finally decided that something should be done about this.

Mary Ellen Whitworth, executive president of the Bayou Preservation Association, is one of many prominent Houstonians lamenting the fact that the “Bayou City” has literally let its namesake waterways go to shit.

“We don’t want to be known for that,” Whitworth told the Houston Chronicle.

While cleaning up Buffalo Bayou would be a wonderful thing, I find it amusing that the impetus for Houston to improve livability often stems from a desire to avoid embarrassment on the national stage. Beneath all the Lone Star braggadocio and Sun Belt business boosterism lies a humidity-soaked hotbed of latent civic insecurity. No other major American city is so easily wounded by what the neighbors think.

If you tell someone from Philadelphia their city sucks, they’ll tell you to go fuck yourself. If you tell someone from Houston their city sucks, an ad hoc cadre of community pillars will join together and develop a marketing campaign to instill hometown pride.

Jason's Deli Now Serving Dublin Dr Pepper

Kate and I had a late dinner tonight at Jason's Deli on Great Hills Trail. After not eating there for quite a while, I was pleased to discover they now offer Dublin Dr Pepper as a fountain drink selection.

Dublin Dr Pepper is made at the Dublin (Texas) Dr Pepper Bottling Company using Imperial Pure Cane Sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. They're the oldest Dr Pepper bottler in the world and the only one that never stopped using the original, sugar-charged formula.

The Year of Austin Music?

Austin music veteran Troy Dillinger is heading a campaign to have City Council proclaim 2008 as “The Year of Austin Music.” His objective is to get Austinites to see live music at least once a month. Despite explosive population growth and a go-go economy, Dillinger says it’s harder to make a living as an Austin musician now than it was 25 years ago when our population was smaller and our economy was in the bog.

"I made the same amount of money per night playing in Austin clubs in 1966 as I did in 2006," local guitarist John Inmon quips on the campaign's Web site. "But in 1966, one night of work paid my rent."

I’m not aware of any systematic study of musician wages in Austin, but I don’t doubt the veracity of such claims. Go-go economies seldom favor the plight of people like musicians. Between higher living costs, tour-killing gas prices and declining CD sales, the break-even point for marginal musical pursuits is farther away than it used to be. Making less at the door is just salt on an already-nasty wound.

Austin's live music market balance overwhelmingly favors the buyer. It’s laughably easy to find free shows featuring top local performers playing for tips. The drawing power of “live music” has compelled scads of heretofore-unrelated businesses to offer it regularly. No one expected to see live music at grocery stores and airports 30 years ago, but now the concept flirts with ubiquity. With so much live music available for free, where’s the impetus to pay for it?

Although commissioning a blue ribbon committee to write a white paper that ferrets out all the “whys” would be interesting enough, it probably wouldn’t change anything. Maybe Dillinger’s campaign will strike a chord with salarypeople who like the idea of living in a live music mecca but aren’t getting out to the shows. A little civic-minded encouragement won’t hurt.

Of course, if you really want more day jobbers at shows, it might make sense for Tuesday night headliners to start playing before midnight.

Mexican Retailer Unshuttering Old Albertson's

The former Albertson's at the corner of U.S. 183 and Ohlen Rd. is slated to become the first Austin outpost of FAMSA, a Monterrey-based appliance, electronics and furniture retailer that lets you purchase goods in the U.S. to be delivered to folks in Mexico. If you don't know anyone in Mexico to send a plasma screen TV to, I think they'll just let you take the stuff home, too.

Given the large Hispanic population in the area, that location seems like a pretty good fit for FAMSA. I would've preferred a grocery store within walking distance of our house, but it would be tough going for a supermarket on that corner because of the elevated highway.

Doing the Ham Jive

After assuming they were gone forever when their 26 Doors location on W. 38th was replaced by a lousy, stinking bank, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that T.J’s Hickory Honey Hams has reopened in the former Travis County Farmer’s Market location of Dog Almighty at 6701 Burnet Rd.

I went over there today to pick up a ham sub for lunch. I made it a combo by adding a side of their excellent baked beans and a drink. The grand total came to $9, including tax. That’s not cheap for a sandwich, but you can’t argue with their soft, crunchy sub rolls and generous portions of succulent, spiral-sliced ham. My only complaint is that the baked beans were lukewarm by the time I got back to the office. Hickory Honey Hams also sells bigger portions of ham for holiday dinners and the like for $6.19 a pound.

Astros Juice Up for 2008

So what if newly-acquired Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada was named today? We need hits, dammit!

Yogi Beets?

I've been making noise about taking a yoga class for several years, but Kate finally coaxed me into action this evening. We took a Hatha flow class at Yoga Yoga. I found much of it beyond my ability to comprehend, let alone physically keep up with. The fact that I have to think about the difference between left and right before committing to the appropriate limb certainly doesn't help.

Nevertheless, I'm glad I did it. The teacher did a good job of making sure I had something to try when the more bendable students were in more challenging poses. I'd like to try taking more yoga classes in the not-too-distant future. We'll see if I still feel that way tomorrow morning.

Stumping for Thumpers in Aggieland

I’d hate to see someone not get elected solely because of their religious beliefs, but seeing the Republican electorate divided against itself by Mitt Romney’s religion in 2008 would be sweetly ironic.

Romney’s admonitions against not voting for him because he’s Mormon would be a lot easier to stomach if he wasn’t cloaking them in the default notion that one must publicly waggle their faith around like a giant dildo to run for national office in the first place.

The primary purpose of Mitt's phony “Kennedy moment” in College Station Thursday was to whip up support among Southern theocrats, not to dispel concerns about how religion would guide his policy decisions. Regardless of what he did as governor of Massachusetts, anyone who doesn’t recognize that a Romney presidency would be carrying water for the religious right in the form of restrictive public policy is a fool.

Welcome to My Nightmare

Last night I had a dream in which this loutish, drunken asshole in a pickup truck backed into my car and tried to drive away. I immediately thought to take down his license plate, which read YRA-LSR (you’re a loser).

When he attempted to exit the parking lot, a police cruiser cut him off. Then he climbed out of the truck and started coming toward me while brandishing a power tool of some sort.

As he encroached upon me, I noticed he looked a bit like Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. With no help forthcoming from the cops and no weapon to defend myself with, I woke up at 5am and didn’t go back to sleep.

I hope I have the dream again soon so I can slay that demonic fucker Wes Craven style.

The Judy's Reissued

My pal Kar, who you may know from his seminal vocal work with The Blanks, passed along some good news this morning. After languishing in Out-of-Printsville for more than a decade, Wasted Talent Records is preparing to reissue the Judy’s catalog on CD.

Emerging from the suburban Houston enclave of Pearland in 1979, the Judy’s translated geeky adolescent disdain for convention into irresistibly minimal pop-rock jingles about the People’s Temple mass suicide (“Guyana Punch”), the Three Mile Island accident (“Radiation Squirm”) and the Iran hostage crisis (“Vacation in Tehran”). Although the Judy’s were a big regional draw in the 80s, they never broke out nationally. Even so, they influenced a whole boatload of subsequent Texas bands, including my own.

The Washarama reissue includes all six tracks from the band’s Wonderful World of Appliances EP, while The Moo Album reissue contains bonus tracks from guitarist/vocalist David Bean’s solo EP, Modomusic. The latter includes Bean’s “Marsha’s Car,” which became the first song I ever danced in public to when the Dishes – another 80s Houston band with a geek-friendly penchant for retro-futurism – performed it at AstroWorld.

The first 200 reissue orders will also receive a free Judy’s button and the “Guide to Good Smells” originally included with the band’s 1986 single, “Girl of 1,000 Smells.” While you’re at it, don’t forget to pick up a limited-edition “Don’t Be a Hippie” pocket comb for $5.

Study Finds Divorce is Killing Our Planet

Some unhappily married couples stay together for religion. Others stay together for the children. Pretty soon, they may be staying together to reduce their carbon footprints.

A new study out of Michigan State University says divorce is bad for the environment because couples and families living together consume resources more efficiently than those living apart.

"For a long time we've blamed industries for environmental problems,” said study co-author Jianguo Liu in a desperate bid to spin quantification of conventional knowledge into something that passes for news. “One thing we've ignored is the household."

Liu and company calculated that divorced households used between 42 and 61 percent more electricity and water in 2005 than before splitting. If those couples had stayed married for the sake of our big blue marble, the U.S. could have saved 73 billion kilowatt hours of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water.

Following this study's logic, I guess we should all keep living with our parents until we become polygamists.

Evel Knievel R.I.P.

Evel Knievel, Greyhound bus-jumping hero to all American boy-children of the 1970s, has died at age 69. For a man who lived like he did, making it to 69 is roughly equivalent to a mild-mannered salaryman living to 112.

Despite the “don’t try this at home” mantra that accompanied every TV broadcast of Knievel’s stunts, you don’t have to look far to find men of my generation who still bear scars from trying to jump something on a bicycle. For me, it was a rusty chain about two and a half feet off the ground that blocked a driveway at West University Elementary School in Houston.

Emboldened by Knievel-style visions of my bike sailing over the chain in a graceful, photo-worthy arc, I attempted this brave feat at age 8 without the aid of a ramp. Unfortunately, the laws of physics conspired against me. I crashed straight into the chain, flew over my handlebars and landed on the pavement in a heap of ignominy.

Although no bones were broken and no organs were ruptured, I sustained a nasty cut to the elbow. When the school principal applied hydrogen peroxide to the cut, it stung my wound as well as my ego. Then he summoned my horrified mother to pick me up from school. She rushed me to the pediatrician, where I received stitches of some sort.

To this day, there remains a scar on my left elbow to remind me of my failed attempt at daredevil greatness. Tonight, I will pour some alcohol on that scar in honor of the man who inspired me.

Who Cares About Them Cowboys?

Although I’ve been a Dallas Cowboys fan for years, I’m not all that broken up about the fact that Time Warner Cable isn’t carrying tonight’s showdown with the Green Bay Packers on the NFL Network. Screw ‘em if they’re going to make it hard for me to enjoy their product. There are plenty of other things I can do with my free time.

The Dallas Cowboys are just another business that doesn’t really represent anything but their own bottom line. It’s fun to pretend otherwise on occasion, but the magical childhood construct of die-hard sports fandom is ultimately best consigned to the Santa Claus file.

Time of the Season

I wish I could say I’ve been too busy to write lately, but the truth is I’m just feeling more unmotivated than usual these days. I’ve been dragging ass at work and coming home with little initiative to do anything other than watch reruns and surf the net.

Perhaps I’m subconsciously conserving psychic energy for the holidays. I’ve noticed my energy levels often drop off precariously when I’m preparing to engage in a higher-than-usual amount of social activity. Even when there’s good times and fellowship to be had, part of me would rather stay at home.

Tale of the Fleeting Taco

This past Tuesday I was taking my regular mental health walk around the periphery of the Austin State Hospital campus when I spied a discarded beverage cup game piece from Taco Bell near the corner of 45th and Lamar. The game piece read, "Free Crunchy Beef Taco."

I was moving at a decent clip, so I kept walking another two or three feet before my brain clicked to the fact that I'd walked right past a free taco. At that point I came to a dead halt, turned around and returned to pick up the game piece. I quickly scanned the small print until I came to the words, "expires 11/13/2007." What had been a free crunchy beef taco one week ago was now useless garbage.

I don't have a word that approximates the noise that accompanied this realization, but I think it sounded a bit like Charlie Brown's "Aaarraugh!"

Whatever the noise was, it attracted the attention of a woman idling in the left turn lane with her window rolled down. We made eye contact and it was clear she took me for less than sane. I thought about showing her my ID badge to prove I was merely a cheap state worker and not a furloughed mental patient, but she'd already driven away.

The Return of Yacht Rock

Actor/director J.D. Ryznar (Michael McDonald) recently announced that the long-awaited 11th episode of Yacht Rock is now in production. This is the first new episode since 2006.

Episode 11's world premiere is scheduled for Thursday, December 27 at New York's Knitting Factory.

A Royal Blunder

Kate: I first noticed this billboard while driving on I-35 south, where it stood out because of the dazed expression on former UT football coach Royal's face. The poor guy, I thought, probably didn't expect to end up looking like that in this ad campaign. But not being a native Texan or a particularly huge football fan, I didn't notice the sign's most glaring error until I showed Greg the billboard. His exclamation "They misspelled his name!" almost caused me to swerve off the road - not because I was appalled by the copy editing error so much as the volume of the observation.

Greg: Well, what do you expect, Kate? This is Darrell freakin' Royal we're talking about. The Longhorn brain trust loves this man more than Jesus and the Beatles. They put his name ahead of our nation's war dead on the football stadium and he's not even dead yet. I thought the worst local copy editing error one could make was to spell Stevie Ray Vaughan's last name "Vaughn," but this is worse. The deer-in-the-headlights look on the man's face makes me feel sorry for him even though he undoubtedly scored a rather large check for his services and probably doesn't care that one of the world's largest media conglomerates can't spell his name right.

Kate: The thing that gets me about these billboards - that's right, there are at least two of them in Austin - is that Time Warner has been making a point in their recent campaign of stressing their local connection with the "we think like you" messages. Here's what I think - someone needs to do some basic fact-checking.

Greg: I never thought I'd find myself defending the honor of Coach Royal, but I hereby challenge Time Warner to a dual!

This post simultaneously appeared on Lone Star Kate.

UPDATE (12/2/2007): My pal Kent B. pointed out another typo on the Royal billboard. The "K" in "Darrell K Royal" is not a middle initial and therefore should not be followed by a period. The "K" is a tribute to Royal's mom, Katy, who died of cancer when he was still a baby. So not only did Time Warner misspell Royal's name, they insulted the memory of his mother.

Calling All Batchelosers

The Austin Chronicle is now searching for our fair town's least eligible bachelor in its Batcheloser contest.

You can learn more about the candidates and vote here. The winner gets a SXSW wristband (which, honestly, is probably the last thing such a man needs).

What makes a Batcheloser? Is it serial unemployment, involuntary celibacy, hobbyism-as-compensation, social paralysis or bad hygiene? Nah. I think these factors are merely symptomatic.

To truly embody the ideal, you must knowingly squander potential in an inelegant manner before shrugging your shoulders and saying, "Fuck it" to no one in particular. To that end, many of Austin's foremost would-be Batchelosers can't even be bothered to enter a contest.

And when that happens, ladies and gentlemen, we all lose.

The World's Saddest Cubicle?

Wired has posted a photo gallery of the winning entries in its saddest cubicles contest.

Not surprisingly, the “winner” is in the employ of a public institution. Pictured is the workspace of David Gunnells, an IT guy at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

Although his cube is smaller and more despressingly-lit than my own, I too use filing cabinets to surround my government job box. I like it that way. The fewer people who can see what I’m doing (or not doing), the happier I am.

What really sets the winning cube apart is its proximity to both a microwave oven and a toilet. Thankfully, I’m far enough away from both to avoid the stench of buttered popcorn commingled with morning coffee shit.

CONELRAD Revisits the Daisy Ad

To this day, the Democratic National Committee's 1964 “Daisy Ad" for LBJ is the most controversial political TV spot in history. No Advertising 101 class would be complete without showing the little girl counting flower petals juxtaposed with a mushroom cloud.

Given his escalation of the war in Vietnam, it’s ironic to see LBJ portrayed as a candidate of peace, but Barry Goldwater gave Johnson plenty of ammunition by publicly discussing the use of low-yield nuclear weapons against the Viet Cong. With just one paid airing, the ad achieved its objective – fairly or not – of casting Goldwater as an unbalanced loose cannon whose finger didn’t belong anywhere near The Button. The longtime Republican senator from Arizona was handily trounced in the 1964 election.

The Cold War obsessives over at CONELRAD have put together an engrossing history of the “Daisy” ad, from its conceptual genesis clear through to the (ahem) fallout that ensued after its one paid airing on September 7, 1964. There’s even an interview with the “Daisy” girl herself, Birgitte Olsen.

Cactus Records Returns to Houston

A year and a half after shutting down its last location on S. Shepherd in Houston, Cactus Records has reemerged in the form of a new 6,000 square-foot store near the corner of Shepherd and Portsmouth.

Former Cactus manager Quinn Bishop bought the store name when former owners Bud and Don Daily retired in 2006. Their father, H.W. "Pappy" Daily, left an accounting job at Southern Pacific Railroad in 1933 to sell jukeboxes in downtown Houston. He opened Daily's Record Ranch in 1946 and sold it to Bud and Don in 1959. They opened Cactus in 1975.

Bishop's partners in the new Cactus are Saint Arnold Brewing Company founder Brock Wagner, New West Records owner George Fontaine and Bruce Levy.

I bought a lot of vinyl at the old Cactus when I was a lad. I may have even applied for a job there once. These are not good days for music retailers, but perhaps Cactus can take a cue from venerable independent stores like Austin's Waterloo Records and thrive in spite of the industry's ongoing woes.

Even More New Drugs

Here's some YouTube footage of the New Drugs (Awesome Cool Dudes + Oh, Beast! + Dustin Boes + me) collectively channeling our inner Huey Lewis at Beerland on October 30.



Yes, we really did stretch "Hip to be Square" out to five minutes.

Abstinence-Only Education Fails Again

The Bush administration remains gung-ho about dropping a cool $141 million on abstinence-only education next year despite mounting scientific evidence that such programs do not delay sexual debut.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy released a report Monday and the best thing they could say about abstinence-only education is that two programs in Ohio and Arkansas showed “weak but encouraging results.” Contrast that with several studies showing that two-thirds of 48 programs which combined abstinence with honest instruction on contraceptive methods actually resulted in delayed sexual debut and increased condom use.

Moreover, a five-year, $8 million study completed in April found no difference in the age of sexual debut between teens enrolled in four abstinence-only programs and teens not enrolled in the programs.

The Dallas Morning News headline for the story about this study is, “Teaching only abstinence not certain to curb teen sex.” I’m fairly certain that nugget belongs on the short list for understatement of the decade.

And how do abstinence-only proponents respond to these findings? By crying “faulty science,” of course.

Despite having no evidence to refute the research piling up against abstinence-only education, Kyleen Wright of Texans for Life says this is all just an attempt “to discourage parents from supporting what they feel in their gut is right for children.”

By law, the only way condoms and other forms of contraception can be discussed in federally-funded abstinence education is in terms of their failure rates. So not only does abstinence-only education omit discussion of condoms, it actively discourages their use.

The core principle of abstinence-only education is that sex outside marriage always has negative consequences. Anything that might reduce the odds of this ordained fate is viewed as sending a harmful message. Kids who don’t get pregnant or infected with an STD because they used condoms can’t be used as cautionary tales, so abstinence-only education simply pretends they don’t exist.

Schools in Texas are overwhelmingly wary of comprehensive sex education. Who can blame them? We live in a country where a surgeon general serving under a Democratic president lost her job because she suggested telling kids that it’s normal to masturbate.

To introduce comprehensive sex education is to invite religiously-induced histrionics into school board meetings that will be duly covered by local news outlets on the hunt for sexy sweeps fodder. It’s easier to just keep your head down because the faces of children failed by abstinence-only education will eventually morph together into an ambiguous, self-perpetuating social problem that no one will be held accountable for.

In the course of my job, I’ve talked to more than a few teachers and school nurses who do their best to get around abstinence-only education. When students ask questions, they answer honestly at the risk of being reprimanded or even fired. They do what they can within the system they’re dealt, but piecemeal efforts like this are not enough to turn the tide.

The only way comprehensive sex education will ever be widespread in Texas is if parents who support it recognize what they’re up against and demand changes in a sustained, organized manner. All the social scientists in the world can’t hold a candle to the proverbial angry mother waving a rolling pin over her head.

H-E-B Goes New Wave

When I was growing up, the only songs you heard at the grocery store were peppy canned instrumentals pseudo-scientifically designed to entice you into buying more foodstuffs.

During two lunchtime stops in as many days at the H-E-B at the corner of Burnet and Allandale, I've heard the following songs over the store's public address system:

I Wanna Be Sedated/Ramones
Making Plans for Nigel/XTC
Rock Lobster/B-52's

Since when did supermarket music and 101X's flashback lunch playlist become one in the same?

Geez, 39

Today I am 39 years old. Only one more year of youthful indiscretion left and so much remaining to be accomplished.

Over the next 365 days, my plan is to drink, drug, gamble and philander my way into a rock-bottom moment of clarity before turning to religion in a fit of sanctimony. Then I’ll hire some well-starched consultants to rehabilitate my image and join the Republican party.

I’m also thinking about getting a puppy.

Want Some New Drugs?

Getting to perform the music of Huey Lewis & the News with the New Drugs at Beerland was way more fun than anyone should be allowed to have on a Tuesday night. Between feeling the power of love and feeling the power of Pabst Blue Ribbon, I was a lukewarm lump of nothing at work on Wednesday.

And let's not forget the strain of listening to nothing but Huey Lewis for a week. This was the psychological equivalent of eating nothing but cotton candy for a week. I'm sure the military could extract lots of good dirt from enemy combatants by locking them in a room with speakers blaring "Hip to be Square" over and over.

My esteemed co-vocalist Dustin Boes (left) sent me this photostream of the show. Go there now to relive the magic all over again.

Mixed-Use Mania in NE Austin

Kate has a big front-page story in today's Austin Business Journal about more than three million square feet of mixed-use development planned for the intersection of U.S. 290 and SH 130 in Northeast Austin. Read it now while it's still on the free side of their website.

Though I don't doubt that Northeast Austin will grow to support this cluster of development, my main concern is the long-term fate of the Austin Country Flea Market. It's still the best place in town to wolf down Frito Pies to the strains of Tejano music after purchasing an bootleg T-shirt of Calvin pissing on Iraq.

Three Things Worth Reading

Here’s a poignant feature on the mixed blessings of Alberta’s 21st century oil boom by Aida Edemariam of the Guardian. Although the tar sands of Alberta hold oil reserves six times higher than those of Saudi Arabia, those sands don’t give up their oil easily. Edemariam touches on the environmental ramifications of the resource-intensive mining process, but her portrayal of the human side of boomtown life is what cuts at you.

This New York Times Magazine essay by Shalom Auslander on the contrast between wearing a $3,000 suit and his usual jeans and T-shirt ensemble had me laughing out loud. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with grown men wearing the same clothes as their preschool-aged sons. It beats the hell out of wearing trousers cut like Capri pants.

The Week, a magazine that compiles national and international news items into digest form, has launched a new website called The Week Daily. I received a free subscription to The Week when I subscribed to Salon’s premium service for a year. They continue to send me new issues despite the fact that my subscription should’ve lapsed months ago. I like The Week. It gives you just enough information to not be completely in the dark when you're hanging around with Economist readers.

Paul Lynde Meets KISS

Center square Paul Lynde (RIP) hosted his own Halloween variety special on ABC back in 1976. It featured the debut network TV performance of KISS along with guest stars like Roz "Pinky Tuscadero" Kelly, Florence Henderson, Tim Conway and Margaret Hamilton reprising her Wicked Witch of the West role from The Wizard of Oz.

Not surprisingly, the show was a wonderfully garish trainwreck. Check out this clip of KISS performing "King of the Night Time World" for a taste.

Frisco Replacing Curra's on Burnet

Looks like one of Austin’s oldest restaurants will live to flip a few more burgers after all.

The Frisco Shop, now located at the corner of Burnet Rd. and Koenig Ln., will be moving north to the current location of Curra’s Grill at 6801 Burnet. The Frisco is taking over Curra’s 20-year lease on its "midtown" Burnet location.

Opened in 1953 when Burnet and Koenig was at the edge of town, the Frisco is the last of the Night Hawk restaurant chain started by former Austin mayor Harry Akin. The diner-style restaurant’s future had been in doubt since developers announced plans last year to replace the existing Frisco with yet another Walgreen’s.

Hill’s Cafe owner/KVET morning man Bob Cole is taking over operations at the relocated Frisco, which is scheduled to open in early 2008. Hopefully Cole will step things up, as my last few visits to the Frisco have been more for the soon-to-be-gone vintage atmosphere than the food.

As for Curra’s, I’ve always thought their midtown location was inferior to the original on Oltorf.