Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Whither Christiania?

Christiania, Copenhagen's famed squatter colony where all property is owned and administered collectively, could be facing extinction as a result of Danish government plans to privatize housing and build 400 new condominiums there. The colony's 800-plus non-taxpaying residents, who now pay about $40/month in rent, would be forced to join a public housing organization and pay a "normal" rent of up to $762/month, an increase of over 1000%.

The colony was established in 1971 when hippie squatters occupied an abandoned military base on the edge of town. Although hard drugs are prohibited, Christiania had an open-air hash market for many years called "Pusher Street" before Danish authorities shut it down in 2004 (link via Boing Boing via Squattercity).

Monday, January 30, 2006

Yet Another Albertson's Post!

Although the recent sale of Albertson's doesn't bode well for their long-term presence in the Austin market, I'm going to be perusing their 10 for $10 and double/triple coupon deals until the bitter end.

They've also got some killer deals on frozen foods. Yesterday evening, I bought four Healthy Choice dinners for $1.50 each and a huge box of Jose Ole taquitos for just $2.50. While none of this food is particularly nutritious, it gets the job done in a pinch.

There are two main problems with going to Albertson's these days. Number one is that they're often out of their sale price items. You can get a rain check, but then you have to go back out there the next day. Too much of that and you're stuck in pound foolish territory.

Problem two is the palpable demoralization that seems to become more pronounced every time I shop there. It's not that the employees aren't helpful, but you know and they know Albertson's is a dead man walking. If I woke up depressed, I'd definitely avoid shopping there.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Remembering the Challenger

Today is the 20th anniversary of the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster. While this tragedy pales historically to 9/11, it was the preeminent invulnerability-piercing moment of its day. I remember exactly where I was when I heard about it.

By strapping a teacher on board the Challenger, NASA was trying to normalize space travel in the public relations sense. Christa McAuliffe may have known about the risks, but the rest of us were used to uneventful launches and landings that didn't even get shown on live TV anymore. Hell, there was talk about letting Walter Cronkite and even John Denver go up on the shuttle. (turns out the latter should've taken the hint and stayed away from experimental flying altogether).

So I was genuinely taken aback when my high school buddy John Bowie came up to me after third period and said, "Dude, the shuttle blew up!" Fourth period was lunchtime, so we decided to drive over to my house and watch it on TV.

We got into John's car and turned the radio on. Top 40 powerhouse 93Q ran a special bulletin about the Challenger and followed it up with "Sara" by Starship. To this day, I can't hear that song without thinking of "Roger, go at throttle up" (not that I liked it much to begin with). Seeing the shuttle come apart over and over again was bad enough, but the really scarring footage was of McAuliffe's parents looking skyward and slowly coming to the realization that something had gone horribly wrong.

Being in Houston, the space program was a huge point of municipal pride, not to mention an economic boon. The astronauts trained right down the road at Johnson Space Center. The shuttle was grounded for more than two years, which was salt on the wound of an economy already tanked by falling oil prices.

When Columbia blew apart over Texas in 2003, it just wasn't as big a shock. No one was feeling particularly invulnerable anymore by the time that happened.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Stay in New York, Senator

I’ve been getting a ton of junk mail from Hillary Clinton lately. It all goes right in the trash. I won’t be sending her a nickel.

Hillary has all of the negative baggage and precious little of her husband’s charm. Would there even be a debate over whether or not Hillary "feels your pain?" Whereas Bill radiated fallible passion, Hillary just reeks of unprincipled ambition.

Witness her feeble attempt to court the "Love It Or Leave It" crowd by co-sponsoring a idiotic constitutional amendment to make burning the flag illegal. Her potential base correctly sees this as spineless equivocation, and while they'll probably hold their nose and vote for her if she's the 2008 Democratic nominee, they won't do much else.

Meanwhile, the folks Hillary is trying to appeal to with the flag burning amendment wouldn't vote for her if she cut Osama's dick off at the Super Bowl halftime show. If you're going to betray your base in an attempt to grab the middle, at least be pragmatic about it.

Hillary, Joe Biden and Joe Lieberman epitomize the disloyal opposition wing of the Democratic party, existing only to shore up their own power while preserving the fallow illusion of bipartisan governance.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

How 'Bout Them Apples?

Some of the best apples I've tried recently are Fowler Farms' Fortune apples, now on sale at Central Market for $1.49/lb. These beauties from upstate New York have a robust tang and nary a hint of overripe mealiness.

As long as you're in the produce section, be sure to partake of the Fowler Farms hot apple cider if they're offering samples. It's too expensive for me to buy a bottle, but I'm all over those free samples.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

No One Goes Home Clean

Much like porn, reality TV is fine for a quick release, but it can really rot your brain if you press the buzzer too often.

That said, if you're one of the few Americans who, like me, didn't watch Louisiana mom Marguerite Perrin's faith-based freakout on Fox's Trading Spouses when it aired in November, you need to see it. You might want to take a shower after watching, but you need to see it. It's like a car crash, animal attack and exorcism all rolled into one utterly rotten yet undeniably compelling entertainment explosion.

Decades from now, when historians are trying to explain the end of America, they will pore over TV clips like this for clues about why it happened.

A Few Words About Mike Quinn

Longtime UT journalism professor Mike Quinn died Sunday at age 76 after a long struggle with a neurological disorder.

As a late Eighties j-school undergrad, I always went out of my way to avoid morning classes. There was no avoiding Mike Quinn's 8am media law class, though. That's when he taught it, so that's when you took it.

Despite the early hour, Quinn's class was one of the best I had at UT. Media law could've been presented as boilerplate libel protection, but he made it interesting and relevant. You couldn't leave his class without an appreciation for linchpin court decisions like New York Times v. Sullivan.

Between lessons in media law, Quinn interspersed recollections of his days as a newspaperman in Dallas. He was reporting for The Dallas Morning News when JFK was assassinated. He was also drafted as a spokesman for UT after Charles Whitman's rampage in 1966. You never knew when he might tell a war story, so I never skipped his class.

Quinn retired in 2004 after 37 years of teaching. He also served as Associate Dean for Student Affairs in UT's College of Communication for many years. Quinn's academic legacy can be measured in the thousands of students who took his classes and remember him fondly today.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Austin Does Young

After 2004's successful Who tribute CD and last year's mighty fine Austin compilation, Turn 1, Ty Chandler and Almost There Records are putting on a Neil Young Tribute Show at Stubb's this Saturday, January 28.

Young, who will be keynote speaker at this year's SXSW, casts a long, eccentric musical shadow that spans both styles and generations. Saturday's line-up bears testament to that fact.

Scheduled acts include: Militant Babies, The Fighting Brothers McCarthy, The Missing Tapes, The Golden Apples, King Tears, Gleeson, Mandible, Superego, Grand Champeen, Tia Carrera, The Hackberries, and Milton Mapes. The show starts at 9pm and cover is $7. That's a lot of entertainment for $7, folks.

Incidentally, I saw Neil Young on the Old Ways tour at Houston's now-defunct Astroworld back in 1985. That particular album wasn't one of Young's best, but his marathon rendition of "Down By the River" left me gape-mouthed.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Wilson Pickett R.I.P.

Fiery-voiced soul music titan Wilson Pickett died yesterday of a heart attack at age 64.

During the Sixties, the "Wicked Pickett" delivered hit after R&B hit, including "In the Midnight Hour," "Funky Broadway," and "Mustang Sally." Of all the Beatles songs covered by soul singers, Pickett's take on "Hey Jude" (with Duane Allman on guitar) was probably the best ever.

For my money, he also did the definitive version of "Land of a Thousand Dances." Truly one of the greats.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

One Week Left to Vote in Chron Music Poll

I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, but you have just one week left to vote in The Austin Chronicle's 2005 Music Poll.

Online voting makes supporting yer fave local raves easier than ever, but all ballots must be received by Thursday, January 26.

And don't stuff, because the smart kids will find out and snap yer strap!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Oregon Keeps Death With Dignity

Thank goodness the Supreme Court decided Gonzales vs. Oregon before Sam Alito’s likely confirmation.

Yesterday's decision upheld Oregon’s reasonable, voter-approved assisted suicide law against an attack mounted by the Bush administration to placate the same folks who turned Terri Schiavo into an intubated human billboard for their demented religious authoritarianism last year.

Oregon’s law exempts licensed physicians from prosecution for prescribing a lethal dose of drugs to terminally ill patients of sound mind who want to die. Dissenting from the 6-3 majority, Antonin Scalia said drugs that allow a person to die the way they choose have no “legitimate medical purpose.”

The other two dissenters were – surprise, surprise - John Roberts and Clarence Thomas. Anyone doubt where Alito would’ve fallen on this?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Woadtwip to Waco

With four-fifths of the Ron Titter Band off work for MLK Day, we had our first semi-official "social outing" yesterday.

The boys and I were all set to honor Dr. King's legacy by getting table dances and three-dollar steaks at the Yellow Rose when David suggested a day trip to Waco instead. I couldn't argue with the cost savings, and I still managed to get a few solid sins in by randily leering at wind-shorted Baylor co-eds out for a jog.

My first memory of Waco is driving through there on the way from Victoria to Dallas with my maternal grandparents when I was four. I asked my grandfather if we were going to stop and he said no. I asked him why not and he said, "Waco is a sad town."

The same thing could probably be said today. Despite earnest civic boosterism and a rejuvenation of the warehouse district between I-35 and downtown, much of Waco appears stuck in an economically depressed mid-century time warp. Of course, that's kind of what I like about visiting there. Naturally, we dropped by the Dr Pepper Museum to learn all about the invention of Waco's most famous product from a creepy-looking animatronic pharmacist. They closed before we could visit the soda fountain, but we were already loaded down with thick-ass malts and shakes from the Health Camp drive-in.

Waco is a praying town, and right now, they're praying for rain. I wasn't prepared for the sight of the draught-stricken Brazos River. You can tell where the riverbank is supposed to be by looking at how far this dockside restaurant is from the water. I've never seen the Brazos this low before. This is bad.

We drove back to Austin at sunset while listening to the "I Have A Dream" speech on David's iPod. You really have to hear the speech in full to grasp its gravity. It was a nice way of remembering why we had the day off in the first place.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Texas Class

I was watching some of the big UT victory rally at Memorial Stadium on TV yesterday evening.

Our senior senator Kay Bailey Hutchison used to be a UT cheerleader, so they had her give some remarks about how UT won because our school has more class and more heart than USC.

Then she started talking about a bet on the game she made with California senator Dianne Feinstein and the stadium erupted in boos at the mention of Feinstein's name.

Yessir, that's some real fucking class there!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I'm Finally Ready for Some Football

I haven't watched a lot of pro football this year, but the 4th quarter of the Pittsburgh/Indianapolis AFC divisional playoff this afternoon was a hoot.

As the 4th quarter began, the underdog Steelers were shocking the Colts (with their NFL-best regular season record) at home 21-3. With the help of a reversed interception call and a couple of breakaway touchdowns, the Colts moved to within three points. Then the Steeler defense forced the Colts to turn the ball over on downs inside their own 10 yard line with less than two minutes left. Fans started streaming toward the exits.

The Steelers handed off to Jerome Bettis to put the game away and the ball was knocked loose. Colt defender Nick Harper, whose wife cut him in the knee with a knife in a domestic dispute just yesterday, picked up the ball and would've scored on a 99-yard fumble recovery had Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger not made a touchdown-saving tackle. Now I'm thinking of hiring an angry woman to stab me before my next rock show.

Despite the quick turn of events, the Steeler defense held. With 21 seconds left, super-accurate Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt lined up to boot a 46-yard field goal to tie. It wasn't even close. Adding insult to injury, Vanderjagt drew an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for spiking his helmet.

The Steelers play the Denver Broncos next week in the AFC Championship.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Forward to Impeachment?

The Nation has a sober, well-reasoned piece by Watergate-era U.S. Rep. Elizabeth Holtzman about why the time has come to call for the impeachment of George W. Bush.

Of course, this is all cart-before-the-horse talk unless the Democrats win at least the House in November. There are also pragmatic issues to consider. Having two back-to-back presidents go through impeachment hearings sets an awful precedent. More importantly, removing Bush from office could result in Dick Cheney becoming president. After Dick, the current line of succession is Dennis Hastert, Ted Stevens, Condi Rice, John Snow, Donald Rumsfeld, Alberto Gonzales...and I’ll just stop right there.

Bush isn’t even trying to deny that authorizing warrantless surveillance against Americans violated the law. Instead, his lawless justifications amount to a fiat expanding executive powers in a manner that undermines the Constitution he swore to uphold. The implications of letting them get away with this could potentially affect all aspects of public life. Sentinent Americans need to ask themselves if Bush’s endless-by-definition “War on Terror” is worth abandoning constitutional government for without a fight.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Am I Still Single?

Here’s a modern-day social etiquette question to ponder: once you’ve been divorced, is it proper or necessary to denote your relationship status on Myspace, Friendster, online dating sites, et. al., with a scarlet “D” from that day forward?

I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I’ve been through a couple of divorces, but I consider myself to be “Single” and note my status thusly. “Divorced” connotates a perennial condition remedied only by remarriage. If I got married again, I obviously would change my status to “Married,” but that wouldn’t change the fact that I’ve been divorced. If this holds true for marriage, shouldn’t it also be the case for singledom?

Unless it has a direct bearing on extraplatonic availability, I don’t think I should have to wear the “Divorced” tag. But that's just me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

H-E-B Takes Aim at Albertson's

If you're an Austinite interested in extending your food dollar to Stretch Armstrong proportions, be sure to check out Thursday's H-E-B circular.

In response to Albertson's 10 for $10 promotion I'm always blabbing about, H-E-B is busting out its own set of 5 for $5 deals. Next week only, five pounds of split chicken breasts can be had for a solitary Lincoln. A plum buy like that will drive bird flu right out of your hungry little mind.

As for Albertson's, they'd better jack up their triple coupon promotion to a dollar and find some religion fast if they want to stay alive in the cutthroat world of Austin supermarkets. If I ran Albertson's, I'd climb up on the boardroom table in Boise and give a little motivational speech.

"This is a goddamn WAR!" I'd bellow at my well-starched lackeys. "H-E-B is pimping your mamas! Are you gonna lay back and take it? Hell, no! Now get out there and crack some skulls! And when those skulls crack open like rotting cantaloupes, laugh as the children of those skulls' former owners cry at the sight of parents' brains slowly coarsing down the storm sewer!"

Albertson's. It's your store. For now.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

50% Off at Blue Velvet!

It's a very busy week for celebrated celebrity blogger JenBB of Felt Up.

In addition to celebrating Felt Up's second anniversary, Jen's Blue Velvet Vintage Clothing emporium at 2100-B Guadalupe (21st St. @ The Drag) is having a 50 percent off everything sale.

Unlike some vintage shops in town I won't mention here, Blue Velvet sells its wares at reasonable, student-friendly prices. At half off, the deals are many and massive, so get your hipster doofus ass down there forthwith!

Monday, January 09, 2006

The Book of Daniel

I had no interest in watching NBC's The Book of Daniel until the American Family Association came out against it. Whatever upsets Donald Wildmon is something I'm going to want to have a look at.

The show is all about the dysfunctional family of a well-heeled Episcopalian minister (Aidan Quinn) who hangs out with a cool, white manifestation of Jesus (Garret Dillahunt). Unfortunately, the two-hour premiere last Friday was a schizophrenic combination of 7th Heaven and American Beauty that tried too hard to be witty and melodramatic without doing enough to develop its characters. That includes you, Jesus!

But don't take my word for it. Check out what Gordon Atkinson, a blogging preacher of the Baptist persuasion from San Antonio, says about The Book of Daniel. Very funny stuff. His other essays are pretty good, too.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Vince Goes Pro

Almost every TV station in Austin broke into regular programming to carry UT quarterback Vince Young's press conference this afternoon. He's not coming back for his senior year and that's the right thing for him to do. Any UT fan who begrudges him that is a burnt orange asshole.

Aside from the money, there are long-term health implications to consider. The earlier he gets in and out of the NFL, the better. Sadly, it doesn't look like he'll be drafted by the Texans, but the Titans might be a good fit.

I was down by UT when night fell and the campus was swarming with people trying to get family photos with the orange tower, which has been lit for four consecutive nights. There are always photographers down there when they light the entire tower, but nothing like this.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Today We Panched

Lance Farley, Hunter Darby and I finally made the Hajj up IH-35 to the (relatively) new Pancho's Mexican Buffet in Temple today. It looks like it's housed in either an old Shoney's or an old Chinese buffet. The interior definitely had that Eighties coffee shop vibe and there was carpet on the floor, something I've never seen in a Pancho's.

The signage at the Temple location features the old script Pancho's logo. This leads me to believe there is a warehouse somewhere that stores "Panchana" from closed locations for possible future use at new ones. I like the old logo better anyway.

The food was par for the Pancho's course, but our server apparently went on break after checking on us once. She was nowhere to be found come sopaipilla time and our flag only went up to half staff. Eschewing this pathetic Hollywood loaf (or should I say Guadalajara loaf) of a flag, we stole a more stout flag from another table and repositioned it at an obvious spot on our own table.

Soon we had another server who was both conscientious and cute. In fact, she may have been the cutest server I've ever had at Pancho's, and that includes the one I taped Pronounced Leh-nerd Skin-nerd for in high school as a misguided token of my cheese-coated esteem.

My last Pancho's meal was almost a year ago, so I didn't eat too much for economy's sake like I used to. I also took a heroic dose of simethicone prior to eating to reduce the possibility of a catostrophic blowout on the drive home. It's cool to do the hot dog thing when you're young, but you don't keep eating at Pancho's for 35 years unless you learn how to Panch safely.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Fire Damages KOOP/Sweatbox Building

This ain't good. There was a fire early this morning at the downtown building on the corner of Fifth and San Jacinto that houses Sweatbox Studio, KOOP radio, and several rehearsal spaces.

According to K-EYE News, the fire occurred on the second floor and Sweatbox sustained the most significant damage. Meanwhile, KOOP is off the air because of the fire. Thankfully, APD helped get everyone out of the building safely except for an unfortunate dog. Investigators say the fire was caused by "improperly discarded smoking materials."

Even though the elevators are scary and the restrooms smell like stale coffee piss from the Roosevelt administration (the building apparently served as a draft board office during World War II), this dilapidated edifice is one of the last places in downtown Austin that's even close to affordable for a fledgling ancillary music business.

I used to practice there with Noodle in the early Nineties. I remember one time when we all had to stand on wooden pallets to play because there was standing water on the floor from a fire sprinkler mishap. More recently, the Peenbeets recorded all of our first album and some of our last one at Sweatbox. Tons of garage bands from around the block and around the globe have recorded there.

Here's hoping that Sweatbox, KOOP and everyone else affected by the fire recovers quickly.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Beetsolonely Turns One!

In all the excitement over UT's win last night, I almost forgot to mention that today is the one-year anniversary of Beetsolonely.

On January 5, 2005, this here blog went live with the question, "Is this thing on, or did it fall off while I was dancing?" I haven't figured out what that means, but here we are a year later, still tapping away.

My goal for Beetsolonely was to blog at least once a day every day for a year. Although I don't plan to slack off in a major way, I have rendered an executive judgment upon myself that it's okay to miss a day. Especially on weekends, when fewer people are sitting at work reading blogs.

Or perhaps I'll hire an intern to do weekends. The Beetsolonely North American Headquarters could really use a bright, buxom, wildly experimental mind to absorb all the excess energy around here. There's no money involved, but I'll make you breakfast on Sunday morning.

Why? Because we're a company that cares. Beetsolonely: The People People.

And the City Goes Wild

I was fortunate enough to catch the tail end of UT's stunning last-minute 41-38 victory over USC. I'm pretty sure I was more nervous watching the game than Vince Young was playing it. Once USC was up 38-26, I left band practice and started driving home, figuring the game was probably over. Not Vince, though. He ran the winning touchdown in himself on 4th down with 26 seconds to go.

I want Vince to be my pilot when three out of four engines have crapped out. I want him to be my doctor when I'm down to one pint of blood. You just can't teach a guy to be that cool under pressure.

USC fans will be justified in noting that Vince should've been ruled down when he pulled off that incredible pitch to Selvin Young resulting in the Longhorns' first touchdown. Otherwise, it was so close that whoever had their hands on the ball last with enough time to score was going to win (give USC that last timeout back and they might've sent it into overtime). Somehow, the UT defense finally managed to stop the Trojans on 4th down when it mattered. This was a game that lived up to all the hype.

My normally quiet neighborhood is now being punctured every few seconds by the odd celebratory grita from people who are usually in bed by 8pm. The area around campus and downtown are both going nuts. Austin's workforce is going to be one drag-assed bunch when 8am rolls around.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

So I Guess There's A Football Game Tonight

I was briefly chided at work this morning for not showing up all decked out in burnt orange for the big game tonight. The closest thing in my wardrobe to official UT gear is a custom-made "Hook 'Em, Satan!" T-shirt I bought from Jimmy Bradshaw after a Squat Thrust show several years ago. Maybe I should've worn that to work.

Having attended UT for six years and lived in Austin for 18, I'm pulling for the Longhorns to beat USC and win their first national championship since 1969-70, but I'm just not that into it. Even when I lived right behind the stadium, I never did the student ticket thing. In fact, I've only been to two UT games in my life and that was mainly because my Red Raider-lovin' folks were in town to see them play Texas Tech.

Some of my friends couldn't care less about the Rose Bowl because they hate sports or they hate UT. Not me. I love a good football game. It's great entertainment. My memories of UT are fond enough, too. I just happen to have other priorities.

I'll probably pop in on the game from time to time while I'm at band practice, though.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Dallas Burlesque Legend Candy Barr Dies

The Dallas Morning News reports that Candy Barr, perhaps the most famous stripper in Dallas history, died last Friday in Victoria, Tx. of pneumonia at age 70.

Born as Juanita Slusher in 1935, Barr first came to prominence at age 16 as the star of 1951’s Smart Alec, a well-circulated stag film she allegedly made at gunpoint. Barr wowed patrons at Abe Weinstein’s Colony Club on Commerce St. during the Fifties and was friends with Jack Ruby, who owned the Carousel club two doors down. She also took a stab at “legitimate” theater, portraying Jayne Mansfield in a local production of Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? in 1957.

Before gunning down Lee Harvey Oswald on live TV, Ruby gave Barr a dachshund puppy and offered to get her parole terms changed so she could work as a stripper again. She served three years on a draconian marijuana conviction and was charged but not convicted of assault to murder in the shooting of her estranged second husband. Barr was also romantically linked to Las Vegas mobster Mickey Cohen and Hugh Hefner.

Click here for more photos of Barr. Tame stuff by today's standards, but probably NSFW just the same.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Time Warner Drops Trio

Time Warner Cable mailed Austinites a New Year's Day turd by dropping Trio from its line-up when the clock struck 2006.

Although Trio's "Pop. Culture. TV." programming was hardly an elixir for the masses, I enjoyed the Late Night With David Letterman and Battle of the Network Stars reruns they sometimes showed.

Taken together with the jacked-up rates and a bunch of home shopping and religious channels I never watch, this is a real loss of value for me. I'd like to just give up cable one of these days, but until my TiVo box craps out, there's not much point in undermining the usefulness of that product.

I'll never quit watching too much TV, but I can totally see a day when I storm out of the top-down "global village" forever in favor of a steady diet of DVDs.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

A New Year, A Strange Dream

I rung in 2006 in fine fashion over at David and Rachel's shindig last night. David switched his iTunes mix from "mingle" to "dance" around 11 and switched on the strobe lights. The strains of Austin's own Pong got the Wyatt House dance floor hopping, as you can see in this candid photo I took of Rachel and myself.

As midnight approached, we flipped on Dick Clark to watch a tape-delayed broadcast of the Times Square ball coming down. Once the new year arrived, everyone exchanged hugs, champagne and party poppers (the kind that explode, not the kind you snort). Before we could sing "Auld Lang Syne," OutKast brought us back to strobe dancing.

Having heard rumors of sobriety checkpoints, I kept my alcohol intake to a minimum. This had the added benefit of keeping me from taking a nude or nearly-nude swan dive into the Wyatt's enticing hot tub. It was tempting, though.

I got home and fell asleep around 3am this morning. I had a very freaky dream that I had in fact been pulled over in a sobriety dragnet. Only instead of just giving me a breathalyzer, the police ordered me to climb to the top of a 20-foot tall waterfall monument to heroes of the Texas revolution.

After successfully scaling the monument (an unlikely outcome in real life), the police made me take off all my clothes and approach a podium surrounded by TV cameras. Then they gave me a breathalyzer, but I woke up before finding out what the result was.