Study Finds Divorce is Killing Our Planet

Some unhappily married couples stay together for religion. Others stay together for the children. Pretty soon, they may be staying together to reduce their carbon footprints.

A new study out of Michigan State University says divorce is bad for the environment because couples and families living together consume resources more efficiently than those living apart.

"For a long time we've blamed industries for environmental problems,” said study co-author Jianguo Liu in a desperate bid to spin quantification of conventional knowledge into something that passes for news. “One thing we've ignored is the household."

Liu and company calculated that divorced households used between 42 and 61 percent more electricity and water in 2005 than before splitting. If those couples had stayed married for the sake of our big blue marble, the U.S. could have saved 73 billion kilowatt hours of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water.

Following this study's logic, I guess we should all keep living with our parents until we become polygamists.

Here's Chism in Your Eye

The Texas House tentatively passed a bill yesterday that would raise the marriage license fee from $30 to $100 unless couples agree to take an eight-hour marriage education class. Authored by the ever-reactionary Warren Chism (R-Pampa), House Bill 2685 would grant a free marriage license to couples who take the class (unless they’re gay, of course).

Aside from the paucity of legitimate research demonstrating the long-term effectiveness of premarital education in actually preventing divorce, whether I choose to avail myself of such a service is none of the state’s goddamn business. Chism’s bill is primarily a sop to faith-based organizations that would reap a windfall in class fees for conducting what amounts to state-sanctioned religious indoctrination.

At the same time, the bill is another attempt to make up revenue lost through property tax cuts primarily benefiting wealthy landowners by imposing a regressive, fee-based tax that will disproportionately bite the poor.

Naturally, Chism doesn’t want to stop at prodding Texas couples into premarital education. He also wants couples seeking divorce to take a 10-hour marriage crisis class or wait two years until their divorce becomes final. Chism’s ultimate goal is to do away with no-fault divorce altogether in the holy name of the wee widdle children. I guess as long as they’re not eating government cheese, it is fine by him if children grow up in a home with two angry parents who hate each other.

There’s no romance in divorce, but it is a basic human right on the same level as marriage. Not allowing it creates a marital relationship built on political, economic and spiritual coercion instead of interpersonal respect.

Fortunately, Chism’s bill has yet to find a Senate sponsor, which makes its chance of getting signed into law questionable at best.

No, Virginia, You Can't Have A Divorce

After leading the fight for state constitutional amendments against gay marriage, Christian fundamentalists are now trying to make it harder to get divorced in Virginia.

The Family Foundation will be lobbying that state's general assembly this year to change current no-fault divorce laws for straight married couples with children. These faith-based busybodies want Virginia law to require both parties to agree to divorce before a marriage can be terminated.

Exceptions would be granted for abuse and cruelty (which is sure to lead to a spike in false claims of domestic violence). Married couples without children wouldn't be affected because marriage is really all about the children, dear. And there's nothing better for kids than one parent wanting out of a marriage while the other parent won't grant a divorce.

I chuckle profusely at the idea of those homophobic Virginians who voted to ban gay marriage not being able to leave their own marriages without their spouse's permission.