The Wrong Stuff

You just gotta love those beleaguered NASA astronauts having to tell the restless public to "hang in there" in light of the latest shuttle delays. "We will fly our space shuttle someday, and we will fly this mission," said upbeat commander Eileen Collins. "This is something that we're very excited about, and we want you to hang with us, be patient. We know that we're doing the right thing, and we ask you to hang in there in the interest on the mission."

Now if I was an astronaut, my message to the public would be a bit more direct."Hey, I know y'all have a short attention span, but the last time NASA didn't second guess itself, seven of my colleagues BLEW UP over Texas! You earthbound looky-loos are lucky not to have gotten smacked upside the head by falling debris! I know being an astronaut is risky. In fact, most actuarial tables rank astronaut as the second most deadly profession on the planet next to playing keyboards for the Grateful Dead. Nevertheless, only a fool would climb aboard this old warhorse again without making sure all the i's are dotted. So you have to wait a little while longer to watch a manned spacecraft lift off from American soil. So what? Go watch "Desperate Housewives" and get off our backs already!"

I guess maybe that's why my astronaut application form was rejected. At least it still comes in handy as a second form of identification when I open bank accounts.