Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Advocate Thinks I'm Gay

If the world of magazine subscription offers is any indication, I am having some serious issues with my sexual identity. In less than a week, I've gone from being offered Stuff, the silicone-powered lad rag, to getting solicitations from The Advocate, which is sort of like a gay version of Time. What could've given the direct mail overlords the idea I'm gay, anyway? Here are some possibilities, listed from most likely to least:

1. I donated to the Human Rights Campaign last year
2. I used to roll in a gay bowling league I didn't know was gay until I got there
3. I drink between four and five one-liter bottles of mineral water every week
4. I've been told I sing like Fred Schneider from the B-52's
5. I took a survey on the Internet a few years ago that said I was 47% gay
6. I haven't "done" heterosexuality particularly well, and there are court records to prove it
7. I always got a big kick out of Paul Lynde when I was a kid
8. I had a dream in college that I was cuddling with Grover the Monster from Sesame Street
9. I'll drink mimosas if they're included in the price of a brunch buffet
10. I guess I am "questioning" in the larger, more existential sense of the word


Dermott said...

none of the above.

it's because you played in a band you chose to call "noodle" and because you are a full frontal cutie.

crasspersonality said...

Grover was always my favorite. And why shouldn't a person have free champagne with brunch? I ask you.

chepo said...

I love that picture!!! It's time for a reunion.

I might be gayer than you. I love Desperate Housewives. Love it ! Plus that new Kelly Clarkson song is kinda fun...

jennifer said...

I was going to say "I'm not gay but my boyfriend is" but he beat me to it!