Ladies and Gentlemen, Jefferson Starbucks!

Last week, Starbucks held a licensed stores awards ceremony at the Washington State Convention Center in Seattle. According to an on-the-scene report in The Stranger (scroll down to Thursday, February 24), the corporate bigwigs decided to give attendees a "treat" by dressing up like rock stars (e.g., pink wigs, white fishnet shirts), calling themselves "Jefferson Starbucks" and pretending to play a song called "We Built This Starbucks" to the tune of Starship's retch-inducing hit, "We Built This City." Attendees were appropriately dumbfounded, as most sane people would be upon hearing their corporate overlords mouth along to cultish lyrics like:

"Living the way of being,
In the Green Apron book!
Don't you remember?
We built this Starbucks on heart and soul!"

I've long been a fan of horrible corporate sing-alongs designed to improve employee morale, and I haven't heard anything this bad since I picked up an Ortho Pharmaceuticals album from the Sixties where they sing about hawking birth control pills and diaphragms to the tune of "There Is Nothing Like A Dame." I can totally see our government using "We Built This Starbucks" to torture detainees at Gitmo. Hear for yourself, but listen at your own risk.