Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Leave the Dipping to KFC

Good news for Americans too lazy to dip their fried chicken strips in sauce. The good folks at KFC have come up with a way to do the dipping for your lazy ass.

With KFC's new Flavor Station, customers can order chicken strips, popcorn chicken or wings and have them fully immersed in one of three heated sauces - honey barbecue, sweet and spicy or fiery buffalo.

A massive million-dollar marketing campaign will announce the Flavor Station concept with the tagline, "Be the boss, choose your own sauce."

"Everyone can relate to working for somebody, not being able to make your own choice," Tom O'Keefe, executive creative director of Foote Cone in Chicago told The New York Times. "The commercial is a celebration of being in charge, nobody but me can call the shots. You're able to have fun with it."

So even if you can't afford to fill up your SUV anymore, at least you can derive lunch hour solace by chowing down on chicken bits that resemble close-ups of bloody maggots in the above photo. They'll look even better after they're violently upchucked in the middle of Sixth Street by inebriated members of KFC's 18 to 34-year-old male target demographic.

No boundaries, no compromise! Now pass the chicken, beeyotch!

3 comments:

BB said...

Hell in a handbasket!

But seriously... KFC is one of those places I visit about once a decade. Considering that they're basically serving sugar-coated, reconstituted fried chicken bits, well, it's no wonder 60% of the nation is overweight.

Chox said...

I've tried to order those new Chicken Fries from Burger King...twice. Thing is, the first Burger King I went to, the person behind the counter was from Honduras and spoke only Spanish. I kept getting the STRIPS instead of the FRIES. When I said "No, Chicken FRIES" she tried to give me french fries. I gave up and got a chocolate milkshake instead. The next Burger King I went to was staffed by Chinese teenagers who spoke no English either. It was basically a repeat of my Central American experience.

Why would you do that to chicken, anyway? What the hell is WRONG with people?

TV5 said...

Man, I would tell you the details about stealing the Colonel Sanders picture out of the KFC in Huntsville, AL and the police stackout of the motel I was staying in down the street to track me down, but the bottome line was I had to remove Col Sanders from KFC because the chicken had gotten to be so bad under Pepsico's reign that I no longer was able to bear the thought of Col Sanders having to look down and see his picture on the wall of that place. the story ended with me handing the picture over to the cops and the KFC manager deciding not to file charges, for some unknown reason. Since then, I know better than to raise my internal ire at the ridiculous downgrading of a once proud and quality enterprise into the cesspool of underclass American cuisine. Sorry for the aggressive vibes, but I had to represent- D Beebe