Hurricane Jones

Since Hurricane Katrina didn't spell the end of New Orleans as we know it, let's unwind with some sordid celebrity tool talk.

Cinematical reports actress Cassandra Peterson, better known as Elvira (Mistress of the Dark), wound up in the hospital to get stitches after losing her virginity to well-endowed singing sensation Tom Jones at age 17.

Peterson, who was working as a Las Vegas showgirl at the time, said, "I ended up with a little tearing, a little bleeding and going to the hospital. I had to get stitches."

The future horror hostess, now 55, settled for Jones after failing to get to Elvis. "Elvis was constantly surrounded by his entourage, and I was only 17, and I'm sure they knew it."