Pissing on the Parade

This morning's Parade magazine wants men to know they'd better get married or face an early death. "Don't go it alone!" an alarmist sidebar screams.

Recent studies have found that married men tend to live better and die later than unmarried, divorced or widowed men. Getting "enthusiastic" sex on a regular basis helps, too.

Because it's Father's Day, Parade conveniently forgot to mention that marriage disproportionately benefits men and that married women have only slightly better health outcomes than their non-married counterparts. Why? Probably because they're stressing themselves out taking care of men.

I'd never impugn the goodness of either a figurative or literal "woman's touch," but encouraging men to get married so they can live longer is sexist moralism masquerading as legitimate health advice. It promotes male pattern macho dickdom while glossing over the fact that this "solution" sticks women with caregiver chores they really shouldn't have to do.

Instead of enlisting a spouse to be your surrogate nurse, why not just learn to take care of yourself?