Happy number of the beast day, everyone. What a great time to be alive! Some folks view the forthcoming tribulations with a mix of fear and despair, but not me.That’s because I’ll be getting a free new house and car when all the saved folks get raptured. It’ll be just like when the white man conquered America, only everything I need is already built and I won’t have to destroy any indigenous peoples. Solid comfort, baby!
Also, don’t forget that today is the National Day of Slayer. Be sure to get thine arse to the public square and blare the word of Slayer at the most ostentatious volume possible.
If a cop asks you to turn it down, scream “They’re killing our lord!” like they’re rolling that crazy judge’s ten commandments monument over your wee-wee.
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