Wednesday, January 11, 2006

H-E-B Takes Aim at Albertson's

If you're an Austinite interested in extending your food dollar to Stretch Armstrong proportions, be sure to check out Thursday's H-E-B circular.

In response to Albertson's 10 for $10 promotion I'm always blabbing about, H-E-B is busting out its own set of 5 for $5 deals. Next week only, five pounds of split chicken breasts can be had for a solitary Lincoln. A plum buy like that will drive bird flu right out of your hungry little mind.

As for Albertson's, they'd better jack up their triple coupon promotion to a dollar and find some religion fast if they want to stay alive in the cutthroat world of Austin supermarkets. If I ran Albertson's, I'd climb up on the boardroom table in Boise and give a little motivational speech.

"This is a goddamn WAR!" I'd bellow at my well-starched lackeys. "H-E-B is pimping your mamas! Are you gonna lay back and take it? Hell, no! Now get out there and crack some skulls! And when those skulls crack open like rotting cantaloupes, laugh as the children of those skulls' former owners cry at the sight of parents' brains slowly coarsing down the storm sewer!"

Albertson's. It's your store. For now.

1 comment:

Chox said...

I've never been to an H-E-B in Austin, I've been to one in San Antonio. The thing that struck me most about the H-E-B was their parking lot, which was approximately the same acreage as the state of Ohio. When standing at one end of an H-E-B, it's impossible to see the far wall, as it's disappeared beneath the curvature of the earth.

Now, I'm from no cow town, but we just plumb don't build things that big in Cleveland. Or San Francisco for that matter. Hell, if an H-E-B opened in San Francisco, it'd take up half the city.

But I loved it. It was surreal and wonderful at the same time. And they had the best goddamn deli I had ever seen. Gotta love Texas.