Thursday, January 12, 2006

Am I Still Single?

Here’s a modern-day social etiquette question to ponder: once you’ve been divorced, is it proper or necessary to denote your relationship status on Myspace, Friendster, online dating sites, et. al., with a scarlet “D” from that day forward?

I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I’ve been through a couple of divorces, but I consider myself to be “Single” and note my status thusly. “Divorced” connotates a perennial condition remedied only by remarriage. If I got married again, I obviously would change my status to “Married,” but that wouldn’t change the fact that I’ve been divorced. If this holds true for marriage, shouldn’t it also be the case for singledom?

Unless it has a direct bearing on extraplatonic availability, I don’t think I should have to wear the “Divorced” tag. But that's just me.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

An excellent question, one I've been pondering myself recently. I'd go with "single" as well. "Divorced" shouldn't mean "damaged goods," and I think it does less and less these days. But it's really a private matter anyway, so no sense in announcing it until you know somebody beyond small talk anyway. A potential date would get the hint by any casual references to your ex-wife anyway.

What I want to know is what you call yourself when you're still in that limbo between separation and divorce.

Michael

Clay said...

I'm with Michael. Identifying yourself as single is the right thing to do. The space between seperation and divorce is called "sucky".

Kilian said...

The IRS considers you single. I don't know if you consider that a trusted source. I send them a lot of money every year just on their word that I'm supposed to and well, I'm not dead yet so...

Anonymous said...

You're single.

I find it odd when people refer to themselves as divorced. It seems as if they still have some hang-up or lingering issues with the failed marriage.

I'm divorced and in the grand scheme of things, it was really no different than relationships I had that weren't licensed by the county.

Kat said...

But if you're doing the online dating thing, isn't it part of honest disclosure? Like, if someone's going to reject you for being divorced, wouldn't you prefer it happen before you have the chance to fall for them?

I don't know. I guess full disclosure is a myth, anyway -- they don't make people admit they have herpes in their profiles, why should you have to flash the "D"? Not that herpes and divorce are equivalent, but they are both unfortunate things that happen to the best of people...