Protecting My Filth From Children

I’m so sick of hearing people whine about how we have to protect children from what’s on cable television. Unlike over-the-air channels, cable is something you voluntarily pay to have come into your home. The reason I continue to pay ever-escalating cable bills is specifically to circumvent the puerile indecency standards of American broadcast television. If you don't like what's on cable, you don't have to buy it.

Moreover, the tools to keep children safe from shows or channels you don’t want them watching are already there. You can probably learn how to use them in less than 20 minutes if you read the directions. If you’re too stupid or too lazy to figure out how to block objectionable programming using the V-chip or your cable box, your children should probably be placed in foster care or sent to Russia.

While it’s true the more enterprising kids will figure out a way to see exploding heads and bouncing bosoms regardless of V-chips, at least they’ll have to work to see it and they’ll watch with the tee-hee knowledge their parents don’t approve. That alone can go a long way toward steering them clear of moral degeneracy.

In order to avoid further regulation, the cable industry has proposed creating a “family tier” of channels that no one will buy. Predictably, this isn’t good enough for the Parents Television Council. That’s because groups like the PTC use children as pretty little bumper ornaments to disguise their real goal of regulating what adults read, watch and listen to.

Nevertheless, I’m all for consumer choice. As long as we’re going to be creating a “family tier” at the behest of the religious right, how about a “godless tier” for those of us that don’t want our cable bills subsidizing dominionist wankers like Pat Robertson?