In the Nood

Here’s the photo that permanently stymies any political ambition I might have beyond the City of Austin - though it could actually help me here.

Michael Crawford took this at Emo’s in 1995 at the final local installment of Noodle’s “All-Male Leather Revue.” The leather shows were our drummer Lance Farley's idea. He had a co-worker who let us borrow his extensive wardrobe of gay leather fetish gear, which was quite generous given how much that stuff costs.

Our first leather show was with Powersnatch at Chances in 1994. Chances was a lesbian bar on Red River that booked bands. Although most of the lesbians in attendance that night found our display charming, at least one of them got angry and threw ice at us while we played.

We were also supposed to play down the street at the Blue Flamingo, a gay bar that booked bands, but the Fuckemos ran over and I was more than a bit impaired by the time they stopped. I think we might've done three songs before closing time. As I was walking out the door, a girl grabbed me and stuck her tongue down my throat. That more than compensated for the ice-throwing lesbian. The evening was a big success.

My roommate Greg Giles took a bunch of photos at the Chances show, so when it came time to drum up proper exploitation for our headlining gig in the main room at Emo’s, I decided to send the Chronicle a photo of my g-stringed ass. It was a cheap publicity stunt, but I figured we needed to pull out all our guns (so to speak) to ensure a good crowd at this crucial show. Sure enough, we were the lead item in the live music recommendations. This effectively “outed” my band to all the people at my government job, too.

We opened the 1995 leather show with a cover of Judas Priest’s “Breaking the Law." I made my stage entrance riding a 10-speed bike. Guitarist Jonathan Toubin wore assless chaps that were violently yanked down by the crowd along with a healthy chunk of skin, leaving a painful souvenir on his inner thigh. A guy named Leroy with “LOSER” tattooed on his belly danced for us in a cowboy hat and women’s panties. We passed out ping-pong paddles for people to spank us with and I remember being shocked at how much that hurt. The club docked us for getting whipped cream in the monitors, but we still made more money than we’d ever made before.

I expected to get an earful when this photo ran the week after the show and I did. What I didn’t expect is for it to continue sporadically resurfacing for years after the fact. One time someone found a yellowed clipping of the photo on the floor behind their desk at my office. Another time, a female colleague said she’d seen me somewhere before and her face went ten shades of red as she gradually realized where.

Although I know it probably makes my poor mom cringe, I’m quite honored to have my likeness included in the Chronicle’s 25th anniversary issue - even if I had to take my pants off to make it happen.