Tight Trousers On a Wire Fence

Between proposed state austerity measures and the recent drying up of a steady freelance writing gig, my economic prospects for 2011 are increasingly bearish.

Maybe things have turned the corner, but the spoils of "recovery" will accrue largely to the investor class while people who work for a living will be asked to work harder for less.

Could things be worse? Absolutely. Will they get so bad that this looks good by comparison? I sure hope not.

Welcome to the Texas Century. Now step into those tight trousers and get up on that wire fence, boy.

Put This On: LBJ Buys Pants from Put This On on Vimeo.

Fave Five Food Deals - 1/12/11

The air is bone-chilling today, but we've got a swell set of Austin supermarket bargains to warm you right up.

1. Boneless beef top sirloin steaks, $1.97/lb. at H-E-B (through 1/18/11)

2. Red or green bell peppers, .49/ea. at Sprouts (through 1/19/11)

3. Asparagus, $1.77/lb. at Sunflower (through 1/19/11)

4. Gala apples, .67/lb. at H-E-B (through 1/18/11)

5. Organic Granny Smith or Fuji apples, .88/lb. at Sun Harvest (through 1/19/11)

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Sunflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

Requiem for Unkgee

Gerry Rafferty, the Scottish-born singer/songwriter who gave us smash 70s hits like "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "Baker Street," died this week at age 63 from liver failure brought about by years of alcoholism.

While most will remember Rafferty for his music, I also remember him as the involuntary linchpin for a "Gerg and Zub's Fast Food Review" of Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits published by the weekly broadsheet 15 Minutes back in 1997.

This occasionally factual review appears below in Rafferty's honor.

I'm Popeye the Chicken Man!
Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits, 1978 Baker Street

Zub and I met when our dads formed the nucleus of the rhythm section behind a pre-"Stuck in the Middle with You" Gerry Rafferty. Gerry was like an uncle to us, hence his nickname "Unkgee." During the summer, our pops would let us traverse the country with the band in a dilapidated custom Chevy van with pot seeds all over the carpet. Those early tours with Unkgee made us wise beyond our three years.

We were also hungry a lot of the time. Our dads' cut of the gig take was even more meager than their share of the cocaine, so we subsisted mostly on crackers and Fresca. This lifestyle never set well with our mothers (whoever they were), but no piss-ant child welfare law was gonna remove Zub and myself from that happy, bouncy van.

One particularly joyful reminiscence of those high times is from 1972 when Unkgee pulled the van into New Orleans for a Tulane University show opening for Johnny Winter. It was raining, and we were cold, but our hearts were quickly warmed by the capacious hospitality of the promoter, a rotund Bossier City-bred cracker by the name of Sergeant Roofus Boudreaux.

To this day, neither Zub nor myself have heard words so sweet as those Sgt. Boudreaux spoke as we struggled to bring my dad's orange bass cabinet in through the back door of the auditorium: "Boys, drop your load and have some chicken!"

The Sgt.'s fried feast was the best darn food we'd ever tasted. Unkgee ate seven pieces of the delicious chicken along with several large handfuls of mashed potatoes and Cajun gravy. In fact, Ol' Unk would have choked to an early death if not for the whack of Zub's dad's hi-hat stand on the back of his fat neck.

"Hey, Roofus," uttered a blue-hued Unkgee. "Where's this good meat come from?"

"Why, I got it over at the Popeye's on Dopholopous Boulevard," said the proud Sgt. "Them spices will grow hairs on places your lady won't like."

Unfortunately, this batter-coated bash was short-lived. During that night's show, Zub's inebriated father played an unscheduled drum solo that went on for about 17 minutes. Immediately after the show, Unkgee fired him from the band. My dad protested by spitting a mouthful of Jax beer in Unkgee's face and calling him an ungrateful bastard. For his insubordination, he too was given the proverbial big pink slip.

Suddenly, us and our pops were shivering out in the smelly New Orleans rain without a song. Somehow, we'd all have to get back home to Worcester. Zub's pop said we could afford to bus it as far as Kentucky, but then we'd have to hitch. Unkgee had sold us right down the line.

The grounds for revenge were obvious even to the young minds of Zub and myself, but our dads could not decide the means from within their collective stupor. At that precise moment, a lightbulb went off in my tiny crown, and I began to shout, "Steal his wheel, Daddy! Steal his wheel!"

Our drunken dads began cackling like sailors. Zub's pop produced some tools, and our two heroes quickly removed the steering wheel from Unkgee's van. The journey home was rough, but every time things looked down, we pulled out that wheel and had ourselves a chuckle.

Of course, it was Unkgee who had the last laugh when "Stuck in the Middle with You" skyrocketed into the Top 10 shortly after this incident. Rubbing salt into the wound was the name of Unkgee's band: Stealers Wheel.

Which brings us back to Popeye's, the place where New Orleans is only a taste away. Sort of.

Popeye's modern chicken variation will never live up to the spice of that faraway evening, but this fried fowl still beats the cluck out of KFC. All fried material at Popeye's (fish, shrimp, onion rings, dogears, fries, etc.) has the same subtle seasoning to it that sneaks up on you like a flashback. And those red beans & rice and whipped potatoes are abused with an adequately Cajun-style gravy that makes other fast food taste vanilla by comparison. As an added bone-us, there's always plenty of Cajun Sparkle on hand to give your grub a bit of zip.

Let's face facts: Popeye's has about the biggest can of culinary whup-ass in the fast food industry, and Zub and I both will spare no measure to open up the aforementioned can on Mr. Gerry Rafferty's weenie-butt if he ever tries to play Sneakers.

Whastsa matter, Unkgee? You chicken?

Wanna Scare Some Babies?

Despite a projected $20 to $28 billion state budget deficit, third-term Texas governor Rick Perry's penchant for cutting corporate welfare checks to his crony capitalist friends continues unabated. And check out the diabolical AP mugshot accompanying this story. Someone needs to put that on a T-shirt and sell it for Halloween.

I Got the Six

Today marks the sixth anniversary of Beetsolonely's mildly auspicious launch. Although the angel investors have long since fled, we're still here, putting it all together with chewing gum, string and stubborn conviction.

Fave Five Food Deals - 1/5/11

Welcome to 2011, where the Austin supermarket bargain bounty continues unabated.

1. Green and red leaf lettuce, .49/ea. at Sun Harvest (through 1/12/11)

2. Rio Star Texas grapefruit, .19/ea. at Sprouts (through 1/12/11)

3. Large seedless navel oranges, .37/lb. at H-E-B (through 1/11/11)

4. Blackberries, 5.6 oz., .77/ea. at H-E-B (through 1/11/11)

5. Crios Malbec 2009, 750 mL, $9.99/ea. at Central Market (through 1/11/11)

Also, effective Jan. 5, Newflower Farmers Markets in Texas will be known as Sunflower Farmers Markets just like all the others. The Colorado-based chain previously had to use the Newflower moniker because a competing supermarket chain held the rights to the Sunflower name in Texas.

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Sunflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

The Hyde Park (Tire) Slasher

Hyde Park residents are getting serious about apprehending a cunningly elusive tire slasher who has dogged the area for more than a decade. The increasingly gentrified Central Austin neighborhood plans to spend $10,000 on high-definition video cameras to help APD put the dirty rubber stabber away once and for all.

Police believe the slasher is a homeless man who is not unfamiliar to them, but they’ve never managed to get enough evidence to pin him on tire slashing charges.

The Statesman says tire slashing has been rampant in Hyde Park for 15 years, but I can personally attest that it’s been going on for at least 18 years. Back in 1993, when I lived in a decrepit apartment at the corner of 39th and Speedway, it wasn’t uncommon to see two or more cars with two or more slashed tires in the streetside parking lot. He never got me, though.

Baby's First Blizzard

Just in time for 2011, the family and I are back in Austin from a two-week holiday trip to New England to visit Kate's family. Alex and I had the added pleasure of experiencing our first blizzard together. The well-insulated residents of Worcester, Mass. don't consider 12 inches to be a lot of snow, but it was far more than I've ever seen in a 24-hour period. Although we didn't have a proper sledding device, Kate improvised nicely with string and a plastic bin so Alex could have an approximated sleigh ride. I don't think he knew quite what to make of it.

Fave Five Food Deals - 12/15/10

This is the last edition of Fave Five Food Deals for 2010. Our staff has worked tirelessly all year to bring you the week’s best Austin grocery deals, so in the spirit of the season, we’re giving everyone a two-week furlough. We’ll see you back on the clock in 2011 – enjoy!

Acorn, butternut, spaghetti and kabocha squash, .27/lb. at Newflower (through 12/22/10)

Navel oranges, .69/lb. at Sprouts (through 12/22/10)

Organic Fuji apples, .79/lb at Sprouts (through 12/22/10

Masa Brosa masa mix, 4.4 lbs., .99 at Fiesta (through 12/24/10)

Wild mahi mahi filets, $2.97/lb. at Newflower (through 12/22/10)

Also, pick up half gallons of Blue Bell ice cream for $3.99 each and 12-packs of Shiner for $9.99 each during Sun Harvest's 72-hour sale on Dec. 17, 19 and 19.

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Newflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

Oh Christmas, Up Yours!

X-Ray Spex vocalist Poly Styrene and her daughter Celeste sing "Black Christmas" from Styrene's forthcoming solo album, Generation Indigo, due March 2011. A Class of '77 punk rock icon singing a reggae Christmas song with her kid may sound like a novel proposition, but it works.

A Check from John Lennon

I don't have a particularly poignant recollection to share about John Lennon on the 30th anniversary of his murder. But I know someone who does.

Rob Patterson, who was my first editor at the Austin Chronicle, wrote an astute and moving essay for the Huffington Post about the time he received a check from John Lennon. Read it here.

Fave Five Food Deals - 12/8/10

This week's top Austin grocery deals might make you want to pay homage to B-52's vocalist Fred Schneider by screaming, "Let me kiss your PINEAPPLES!"

1. Pineapples, .99/ea. at Newflower (through 12/15/10)

2. Boston butt pork roast, .99/lb. at H-E-B (through 12/14/10)

3. Small Texas red grapefruit, 5 for $1 at H-E-B (through 12/14/10)

4. Romaine, red leaf and green leaf lettuce, .77/ea. at Sun Harvest (through 12/15/10)

5. H-E-B pure cane sugar soft drinks, 12 pack, $1.50 at H-E-B (through 12/14/10)*

*With in-store coupon

Also, pick up a 5 lb. box of Cutie clementine tangerines for just $3.97 at Sun Harvest on Thursday, Dec. 9 and Friday, Dec. 10 only.

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Newflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

I'm Gonna Ferberize You, Baby

Alex has really come into his own over the last several weeks. At nine and a half months, he's crawling all over the house, his smile now includes four top front teeth and his expressions are increasingly those of a little boy rather than an infant.

The one problem we've run into is sleep. For months, Alex would wake up a couple of times a night and we'd go into his room to rock him back to sleep. Each wake-up took about 10 minutes. This wasn't ideal, but it was manageable between two people.

Then he started cutting teeth. The resulting soreness dramatically increased the amount of time Kate and I had to spend walking and rocking him. Even if he appeared to be sound asleep after 45 minutes, he would often start crying again within a minute after we placed him back in the crib.

We figured this would only happen when he had new teeth coming in. We were wrong. In spending such a long time getting him to sleep in our arms, we unintentionally created a new sleep habit that wasn't serving any of us well.

The prolonged sleep deprivation took a toll. My back was killing me and it became more difficult for me to fight off background anxieties. Even after Alex got to sleep, I'd lay awake in bed, playing worst-case scenarios of all sorts on an endless loop in my head. My waking attitude toward life in general became more dour and cynical.

Both Kate and I started forgetting things. Until I read Kate's blog post from yesterday, I'd totally forgotten the following episode of extreme forgetfulness even happened:

One afternoon this fall, Greg and I took Alex out somewhere. I think it was the Farmer's Market. We had a lovely time, and congratulated ourselves on making it out of the house and participating in one of the many, many activities that Austin has to offer. That self-satisfaction wore right off when we returned home to find that we'd left the door open. By "open" I don't mean unlocked - I mean we'd left the front door wide open. Luckily, everything in our house was intact and where we'd left it. But wow, did we feel stupid.

Visiting my family in Houston for Thanksgiving was a blast, but the change of scenery only compounded Alex's inability to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. We arrived back in Austin last Sunday hoping against our better judgment that being back home would help get Alex back on his pre-teething sleep schedule. It did not.

Around 4am on Wednesday morning, Kate and I came to an agreement that the current situation was no longer sustainable. I'd mentioned the idea of using the Ferber Method of sleep training to Kate before, but the idea of walking away from a crying baby - even for a few minutes - was completely counter-intuitive to her maternal instincts.

However, the more we learned about the Ferber Method, the more it made sense to us. In holding Alex in our arms until he was completely asleep, we made it inevitable that he would be completely confused and disoriented any time he woke up in the crib. Who could blame him? I'd freak out too if I woke up someplace other than where I went to sleep.

While putting him down in his crib right before he went to sleep as Ferber recommends would definitely involve a crying jag of unknown length, we would be checking on him and reassuring him at gradually increasing intervals. This was not just letting him "cry it out."

Once we decided to try the Ferber Method, we decided to delay implementation for one more day so we could mentally prepare and be totally sure about it. Alex responded with another night of frequent wake-ups. Nevertheless, as Kate and I took turns trying to get him back to sleep, I felt a slight twinge of sadness knowing this phase of Alex's life was about to be phased out.

On Thursday, Kate put Alex to bed just as his eyelids got heavy and left the room. He immediately started crying. The crying intensified once he realized Kate wasn't coming right back in. Three minutes passed. Kate went in to comfort him without picking him up. The crying subsided momentarily, then picked up as she left the room. Six minutes passed. I went into the room, stroked his chest and told him everything was going to be all right. Then I left and the crying picked up again.

We girded ourselves for another 10 minutes of listening to Alex cry, but then his sobs started losing steam. Then they stopped altogether. After a minute or two, Kate peeked into his room. He was sound asleep. He woke up a couple of times during the night, but even without being rocked, neither wake-up was drawn out more than 10 minutes. This was bliss.

Alex hasn't woken up at all during the past two nights, which I believe is only the second or third time we've had two consecutive no-wake nights since his birth. When you consider all the crying Alex did by waking up every two hours, the total amount of sleep-related crying is a fraction of what it was.

The Ferber Method isn't for everyone. Some parents have strong philosophical objections to it and some babies don't respond to it. Moreover, we're going to have to re-Ferberize Alex every time something funky happens to his sleep schedule, but that's a small price to pay compared to what we were facing. As far as we're concerned, the good Dr. Ferber is a real American hero.

Yeah, Baby!

Richard Branson (that's Sir Richard Branson to you and me) was at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport yesterday to inaugurate Virgin America’s new service between DFW, Los Angeles and San Francisco.

The launch ceremonies also included a gala shindig at the Winspear Opera House featuring Willie Nelson, fresh off his West Texas pot bust (how can anyone who has ever played a gig along the IH-10 corridor not know about that checkpoint?).

Virgin America’s expansion strategy appears to be highly hub-centric at this point, but here’s hoping Branson and his sexy stews set up shop in Austin soon.

Fave Five Food Deals - 12/1/10

Sorry for the post-holiday delay in posting this week's best Austin grocery deals. A 9-month-old who's waking up every couple of hours all through the night will do that to a blog.

1. H-E-B seasoned boneless skinless chicken thighs for fajitas, 5 lbs. for $5 at H-E-B (through 12/7/10)

2. Russet potatoes, 5 lb. bag, .47 at Newflower (through 12/8/10)

3. Avocados, .49/ea. at Sprouts and Sun Harvest (through 12/8/10)

4. Oranges, 15 for $1 at El Rancho Supermercado (through 12/7/10)

5. Organic arugula, .99/ea. at Newflower (through 12/8/10)

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Newflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

Turkey Trot Chaos

This year’s Thundercloud Turkey Trot accidentally being cut half a mile short by a wrong turn reminds me of the scene in Animal House where Stork leads the marching band into an alleyway. The ensuing confusion is hilarious, unless you happen to be the first place runner or the guy whose trombone gets bent.

Given how many runs close our streets during the spring and fall months, it’s a wonder nothing like this hasn’t happened before.

Fave Five Food Deals - 11/24/10

We weren't planning to do a FFFD entry this week because most of the supermarkets in town don't send out a sales circular during Thanksgiving week. Despite this paucity, we've ferreted out a few deals you should know about in case your drunken uncle horks all the leftover turkey.

1. Boneless skinless chicken breasts, $1.19/lb. at El Rancho Supermercado (through 11/30/10)

2. Jewel and Garnet yams, .48/lb at Newflower (through 12/1/10)

3. Green or red cabbage and premium Russet potatoes, .50/lb. at Newflower (through 12/1/10)

4. Green beans, .88/lb at Newflower (through 12/1/10)

5. Pork stew meat, .99/lb. at El Rancho Supermercado (through 11/30/10)

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Newflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

Dorothy "Dot" Hewitt R.I.P.

Former Dot's Place owner Dorothy Hewitt died Saturday night. She was 71.

If you never had the opportunity to eat at Dot's when it was located on W. Orchid Ln. in far north Austin, you missed out. Regular servings of Dot's beef tips and rice made having to work in the awful industrial office hinterlands at the intersection of Kramer and Braker almost bearable.

Dot's was housed in a run-down edifice that looked like it had been crudely added on to one too many times. The dining rooms were spartan and cooled by overworked window units, but the meatloaf, mashed potatoes and greens made up for that. In 2005, the restaurant burned to the ground. The ever-resourceful Dot set up a trailer on the site of the burned-out restaurant years before such things became de rigueur on South Congress.

The last time I ate at Dot's was at this aforementioned trailer in November 2005. My pal Kevin Fullerton was visiting from Seattle and his luggage had been stolen out of my car the night before while we were watching the Diamond Smugglers at the Continental Club. After filing a futile police report for insurance purposes, lunch at Dot's did plenty to restore our faith in humanity.

Fave Five Food Deals - 11/17/10

Be extra thankful for the extra money you'll save by taking advantage of this week's Austin supermarket deals.

1. Boneless skinless chicken breasts, $1.67/lb. at Sprouts (through 11/25/10)

2. Organic Romaine lettuce, .88/ea. at Sun Harvest (through 11/25/10)

3. Organic celery, .88/ea. at Sprouts (through 11/25/10)

4. 10 lb. bag of Russet potatoes, $1.47/ea. at Sun Harvest (through 11/25/10)

5. Granny Smith or Rome apples, .50/lb. at Sun Harvest (through 11/25/10)

If you do a fair amount of shopping at Sun Harvest, be sure to pick up this week's circular at the store. There you'll find a coupon for $5 off a purchase of $50 or more this week.

Austin supermarket links (directs to weekly ads where available):
El Rancho Supermercado
Fiesta
H-E-B
Natural Grocers
Newflower Farmers Market
Randall's
Sprouts Farmers Market
Sun Harvest
Wheatsville Food Co-Op
Whole Foods Market

Behind the Lines at Walmart

I recently decided to make a reconnaissance visit to the newly opened Northcross Walmart Supercenter that engendered so much controversy when it first squeaked through the city approval process just ahead of the big box ordinance three years ago.

I had no intention of actually purchasing anything there. I avoid shopping at Walmart whenever possible because whatever cost savings the average American consumer might realize there goes toward undermining the living standards of the average American worker. Their new Butthole Surfers-inspired logo does nothing to change that.

That said, a quick perusal of the grocery side of the store revealed a few standout deals. Bananas were .36/lb., a full eight cents lower than H-E-B's regular price. Walmart's in-house imitation of Triscuits sold for $1.32, compared to H-E-B Hill Country Fare Woven Wheats at $1.67.

I think you could save money by shopping at Walmart over H-E-B if you spent the majority of your grocery dollar on packaged food. However, one thing that struck me about the Northcross Supercenter is how relatively little floor space is dedicated to fresh foods and how few of Walmart's prices on meat and produce best those of H-E-B. And why not? A key component of Sam Walton's retailing genius was in making sure goods make it to stores just in time for customers to buy them. It's harder to do that with fresh foods.

The rest of the store was just about what you'd expect at a standard Walmart with a few subtle differences. There is more natural light coming in through the roof, which improves energy efficiency while cutting down on the depressing florescent glow. Also, the bicycle racks are shaped like bicycles, which I guess is Walmart's attempt at whimsy. Overall, it's less ugly than the traditional blue/gray box, but it's still a box.

Time will tell how much the Northcross Walmart will (or won't) alter the characteristics of its immediate surroundings. I haven't noticed much difference in traffic during my morning and afternoon weekday commutes on Burnet yet. The holiday season should provide a more meaningful snapshot of how the store will impact area traffic patterns.